


God This Hurts

by violaswimmer



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Gen, Insecure Lance (Voltron), Lance (Voltron) Angst, Shiro (Voltron) Has a Clone
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-12
Updated: 2018-03-07
Packaged: 2018-12-27 00:44:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 22,831
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12070296
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/violaswimmer/pseuds/violaswimmer
Summary: Taking place after season three based on this theory I thought of:https://violaswimmer.tumblr.com/post/163888188076/lance-season-4-theoryUpon the arrival of Matt Holt the Voltron team has changed at least it has for Lance. In a desperate battle Lance let's Allura pilot the Blue lion and when he hopes that they don't work well as a team without him they work perfectly. Voltron is perfect without him. It hurts, he really is the seventh wheel. So he packs a bag and leaves to go do good somewhere else.(This story has no relation to my other Voltron works and is it's own separate work, enjoy!)





	1. Chapter 1

It started off small or Lance thought it did. He hoped he hadn’t always been like this so insecure so… weak. Maybe it started with Voltron maybe it was back at the Garrison. It was hard to pinpoint the exact time that everything started to fall apart. It didn’t dissolve quickly, it was slow until Lance realized he was hanging by a rope that was only getting thinner.

He knew for a while now exactly how bad it was getting, a constant fear that he pushed to the very back of his mind. He tried to talk about with Keith once but neither of them were prepared for the conversation and although Keith tried, Lance left more concerned. But it didn’t hit him hard until Matt Holt entered their lives. No before you question it wasn’t Matt’s fault, not at all. He just said the right thing at the wrong time the final push, the finale if you will. There was a lot of events leading up to this moment. For one the team had to deal with the whole Shiro/Not-Shiro situation. It turned out that the Galra created a clone of Shiro, honestly even now the team wasn’t sure why but the Shiro they met on Earth, a couple of years ago now, was not the real Shiro. It was the Shiro that returned to them after the battle with Zarkon that was the real Shiro. He was different, it was not something that any of them could deny.

At first the team thought perhaps it was the other way around but after some tests, some questions and some missions they finally figured it out. How did the Shiro they had now, know what happened to his clone? Apparently their minds were linked somewhat and original Shiro received Not-Shiro’s memories and vice versa. It was complicated. But in a way the situation fixed itself, the Shiro they met before died. Not because of anything that happened to him he simply died. Apparently cloning was still somewhat of a tricky science. Shiro’s clone would have done better if it had grown like any normal child but the Galra sped up the process and it caused the clone to suffer a short life, too short. In his mind Lance knew that this was a good thing because they had the real Shiro and it was fine.

But it wasn’t. He laid awake at night wondering how Not-Shiro felt. Did he know? Lance didn’t think so. Not-Shiro, no… Shiro seriously thought he _was_ Shiro. That was the cruelest thing that Lance thought the Galra had done so far. Somehow in his mind the destruction of Altea didn’t come close. _Yes_ that was undeniably horrible but creating a clone, a clone who _thought_ he was the real thing and then capturing him again only to tell him that he was the fake, God Lance couldn’t imagine. How cruel. How horribly cruel. But he tried not to think about it, that if it had been that easy how did they know whether they weren’t clones? Sure the rest of them hadn’t been captured by Galra but even if they did would they even know? Probably not.

After the Shiro situation passed another took its place. Pidge finally found Matt. _Finally_. Lance was glad for it but the situation at the time wasn’t so simple. Locating Matt became relatively easy after getting some info from a Galra ship that was tracking some freedom fighters. On that list? Matt Holt with his last known location. Pidge insisted that they go to find him. So finding the planet was easy, finding him was another issue.

First of all. The planet was in Galra controlled space. Galra crawling all over the place. No easy way to get in. With that the planet wasn’t just controlled by the Galra, it was a Galra planet. Voltron was basically stepping in Galra territory with a half-baked plan. Allura although sympathetic didn’t want to go into Galra space without a plan or at least more information to go on, Matt’s location if he really was on the planet. After several minutes of arguing with her Pidge eventually retired to her room and once everyone was asleep snuck down to the planet’s surface. Her original intention was only to gather intel. So she went with a cloak, her bayard and went down in the shuttle she had modified. Well she did find Matt, but it ended up in a fire fight on the surface, Voltron unable to contact her for two days and her eventual return with Matt and some freedom fighters in tow and the eventual need to form Voltron.

This, this is where the story really starts. Everyone is running in their paladin armor. The hangar is full of people, Pidge just returning to the castle in her pod only to get out.

She jumped out of the pod quickly looking tired and tense she yelled over her shoulder.

“Matt! Stay here!” She ran.

“Katie! Wait!” Matt called.

Lance jogged up behind him, slapping his shoulder as he went by.

“Don’t worry about it too much, Matt. Pidge’s got this!” Lance said running off to follow her only hearing Matt say something in the distance behind him.

“Pidge? Who’s Pidge?” Matt said exasperated.

Lance winced, _right_. He forgot about that but smiled to himself Matt would have a lot to catch up on.

Lance turned the corner and saw the other paladins running to their lions. Shiro running to Black, who surprisingly responded with no problem something they had not tested since the Shiro clone incident. Well _good_ , although Keith was a good replacement after some time he really wasn’t comfortable with leading. Lance understood that and saw Keith running towards the Red lion, _good_ although Lance would miss flying Red a little bit. She was amazing but in the end he was just Keith’s temp. So Lance turned to the Blue lion, finally and saw Allura doing the same.

The two of them stared at one another and stopped clearly both confused and uncertain. They both tried to speak at the same time.

“I’m sorry Lance, you should-“ Allura began.

“No, no, it’s fine actually you should-“ he said. They both paused.

Lance wasn’t sure what possessed him. With such clarity he just said it without thinking.

“Allura. Pilot the Blue lion.” Lance stated, not a question more like an order.

Allura looked about as shocked as Lance felt. He would never in a million years hand over Blue. Even when Keith had shown just mild interest Lance had gone the defensive. So why? Why did he step aside when he didn’t want to? He didn’t, right?

“Are you sure?” Allura asked shocked and brimming with energy. She was practically buzzing with it, she wanted to fly Blue and he didn’t blame her.

“Yes. Of course, go!” Lance said with a smile, his heart was dying clenching painfully in his chest. He wanted to cry.

Allura nodded, put on her helmet and turned back to him as she ran.

“Lance we will talk about this after all this, okay? And…” She paused, “Thank you.” She said sincerely.

He waved because he wasn’t sure he would be able to speak. _God this hurt_. He stood there for several moments before leaving the hangar entirely. Matt and the others had already gone with Coran who was more than excited to lead them to the deck no doubt. Lance was alone. All alone. He leaned against the wall. He knew that theoretically this did not mean he was no longer a paladin. He knew that deep down but that small part of him that feared this exact situation, where they no longer needed him, was screaming. The nightmare had come true and he was living it. He shook his head. No it’s fine. Everything was fine, Allura said that they would talk about it. They would, maybe everything was going to go back to normal. He paused.

_But was that a good thing?_ No it wasn’t. Allura was progressing at a rate fast then any of them had before. Maybe it was her bond with the lions or pure natural talent it didn’t matter. She made the team, no, Voltron better. Better then when Lance was piloting Blue. He shook his head again, _cross that bridge when you come to it_ , he thought. He pushed himself from the wall and made his way to the deck. Again it was filled with people, aliens and one lone brown head matching Pidge’s. Man they were practically twins. Lance smiled at that. At least Pidge got Matt back, even if their Dad was still MIA she had him and that was more than Lance could ask for.

Lance heart did twist a little. Since Pidge revealed she true identity, her true reason for being here Lance had upped the brotherly love trying in some way to act like a brother to her to ease her suffering. A lot of it was poking fun at her but a few times that neither he nor Pidge mentioned, he stayed up late and held her while she cried. It was heartbreaking but necessary and Lance never said a word to anyone. As time went on she needed him less and less and now… Now the real thing was here in front of him. _Maybe she won’t need me anymore either_ , the thought came uninvited. _Maybe they don’t need me anymore_. God this hurt.

But he put on a mask because it was easy. He stood next to Matt and windows of the castle and surrounding screens. The battle looked, hellish. Tons and tons of Galra ships were spilling from the planet in a never ended hoard. The lions fought individually and were holding their own. Matt looked at the screens intently but noticed Lance and smiled slightly extending a pale hand.

“Matt Holt, we haven’t actually met.” Matt said.

“Lance, I’m a friend of Pidge- oh I mean Katie.” Lance said taking the hand with a firm shake.

“Thanks for looking after my sister.” Matt said sincerely.

“Not a problem, she practically takes care of herself.” Lance said with a grin.

Matt returned it.

“Yeah you’re right, but thanks whatever part you had to play when I… couldn’t.” Matt said.

_Oh._

“You’re welcome, don’t worry she’ll be fine.” Lance said with a reassuring smile, “She’s tough.” Lance stated.

Matt nodded and returned his attention to the screens. The two of them watched. The hoard had grown and it was obvious that they would need to form Voltron. Coran was yelling saying that they just had to cut a path so they could jump and escape the planet. The team affirmed and Shiro gave the signal to form Voltron and… Somewhere in the darkest part of his heart he had hoped that they wouldn’t be able to do it. That forming Voltron wouldn’t work without him. Selfish. But it didn’t. It worked, it was perfect, flawless. Completely and totally. God this hurts. _God_ it _hurts_.

But it was a whisper filled with awe that finally did it.

“God, they’re… _amazing_.” Matt said.

It felt like the floor had opened up under him. His mouth gave a manual reply.

“Yeah they are.” It said.

But the world was shattering. They didn’t need him. They didn’t _need_ him. It was obvious the evidence right in front of him. Matt said so himself, confirmed it to Lance’s own ears and his heart was dying. It hurt so much this undeniable truth. They were amazing without him. He didn’t belong here. He watched as the team cheered, effortlessly destroying thousands of Galra ships. Watched as they separated into lions again and made their way back to the castle. Lance watched in a blur because everything was shattering. He thought that this was where he was supposed to be. He had accepted it. But if he truly wasn’t needed here then… _Why was he here?_

The freedom fighters cheered at the destroyed ships and some gathered around Matt, Lance moving to let them. Coran too preoccupied with the castle to notice Lance slip out of the door and down the hall. He was running, running away in the direction opposite of the hangar, to the training deck. He needed to get as far away as he could. He couldn’t breathe. It would take the team awhile to get settled in the hangar anyway they wouldn’t notice him missing in the chaos or if they did at all! After all they didn’t need him! Lance laughed.

Hell he didn’t even know if Blue would have responded to him the same way she had before. He never told anyone but when she wouldn’t let him in before the lion switch it had terrified him to the bone. Particle barriers were for protection, protection from _enemies_. But Blue had put it up to protect herself from _him_. Allura had assured him that it was Blue’s way of telling him to pilot Red. _Bullshit_. Blue could have just not responded like Black, but no she put of her particle barrier _to protect herself from him_. It had hurt. He thought that out of all the people in the castle Blue understood his silent turmoil. He knew that anyone looking at this situation from the surface would think that Lance should be okay since he had Hunk. Hunk was his best friend.

Yes he was but things change in space. On Earth they were the best of friends and then they came here and it all changed. Pidge revealed more of herself and Hunk liked was she had to offer. They spent hours on projects that Lance knew nothing about speaking in a foreign language that only the two of them knew. It hurt. The dynamic changed and yes they still hung out. But as time passed Lance began to realize that everyone was pairing off. Hunk with Pidge, Shiro and Keith, Coran and Allura. The seventh wheel, he really was the seventh wheel, a wheel without a purpose causing the whole train to become off balanced. It would be better if he left. They would hardly miss him.

Hot tears streamed down his cheeks. God this hurts. But a thought occurred a crazy, crazy thought. He had to leave. He had no choice. They didn’t need him, but he couldn’t just stay here. He couldn’t watch from the sidelines. So this is how Allura felt being left behind on deck. It was lonely. Lance wasn’t going to take away her freedom. He refused she deserved better the whole team did. He shook his head. He shouldn’t be too rash. He breathed trying to calm his tears as he scrubbed his face clean of snot. He was just emotional. He didn’t need to think about this right now. He and Allura would talk and it would be fine. He breathed in and out. But if he did decide to leave, he would need a plan. Just in case. With any easy breath he left the training deck, heart heavier than before.

 

* * *

 

He made his way to the hangar the paladins were gathered in a small group in front of their lions. They were all talking rapidly and Lance caught bits of it as he made his way to the circle.

“Forming Voltron was-“

“I know! So Easy!”

“It was amazing!”

“Lance.”

It was Keith who first addressed him. Lance blinked and turned.

“Are you alright?” Keith asked, the rest of the group not noticing this conversation as they went on and on.

Lance nodded.

“Yeah I’m good.” Lance said with a small smile.

Keith nodded not looking convinced but just unsure enough not to question him further.

Lance turned to the group and announced loudly.

“Pidge, your brother is on the deck.” Lance said.

The conversation stopped. Pidge looked at him.

“Thanks, Lance.” She smiled and addressed the rest of the group, “Thanks for having my back and I’m sorry I left the way I did. I just couldn’t wait another second.” She looked at the ground looking ashamed.

“It’s okay Pidge,” Shiro said gently, “We get it… let’s try to not do this again okay?” Shiro said with smile. Classic. Shiro to the rescue.

Pidge smiled looking at him, “Deal.”

They all smiled fondly at the scene and the group began to move. Lance with them, letting everyone through. Shiro looked nervous and Lance remembered this would be the first time he saw Matt since their capture. Pidge sensed this and put a hand on his arm, giving him a reassuring smile.

Lance watched and jumped when a warm hand landed on his shoulder. Allura.

“Lance let’s talk a moment.” She said.

Lance looked as the group continued without looking back at them.

“Yeah, yeah of course.” Lance said with a smile.

Allura took a breath.

“First of all thank you for letting me pilot the Blue lion once more. You sacrificed your opportunity to give it to me and that speaks great volumes about your character. You are truly worthy of being a paladin.” She said with a smile.

Lance smiled too, but he wasn’t entirely convinced.

“Second we do have a situation now. Too many paladins and not enough lions. I will not mind stepping down from being a paladin to stay here at the castle. I don’t expect you to stay at the castle, you will be the Blue paladin again, trust me.” Allura said sincerely.

But even as she spoke Lance could sense her disappointment. She loved being a paladin and now Lance was taking it away. Even if she was giving it willingly. His heart ached for her despite everything going on in there.

Allura smiled seeming to perk up.

“But this is good! Truly now with this experience should we ever need a replacement again, hopefully not, but if, we have it. I can take over. So situation solved!” She said brightly.

_Bullshit_.

“Let’s get back to the others before they miss us.” Allura said.

Lance nodded with a smile. This was bullshit. Allura shouldn’t give up what she truly wanted just so he could fulfill his dream. Just so he could happy. He was essentially taking away her freedom, her willful and powerful nature. He refused. He couldn’t do it.

They walked back in silence, rejoining the group on the deck where Allura entered and Lance stayed in the doorway. Pidge, Matt and Shiro were crying. Tears of happiness, Matt engulfed in Shiro’s arms. The others were laughing with joy surrounding the three of them and selfishly Lance felt truly alone. They really didn’t need him, they would be just fine. So he started to plan.

 

* * *

 

It was rather easy to navigate the rest of the evening. In fact Lance was sure that no one sensed anything amiss to preoccupied with their own emotions with Matt Holt arriving and changing the dynamic in the castle with the addition of the freedom fighters as new guests. Hunk and Coran prepared a feast while Pidge, Shiro and Matt went around the castle showing off the place and swapping stories. Keith was with him, the two of them finding extra plates and setting up the table to accommodate the large number of guests. They worked silently, surrounded by noise as Allura talked with the freedom fighters hearing their backgrounds and plans.

Lance went to go get more silverware with Keith in tow going down to one of the storage rooms. Lance was think intently of plans. He would leave tonight. He decided on that much. But where would he go? Not back to Earth he was too far away and he was a defender of the universe damn it. Maybe a planet they passed but couldn’t help? Lance went down the mental list of places. He memorized them, one of his talents. Thinking. Keith interrupted his thoughts.

“You’ve been pretty quiet.” Keith commented.

Lance jumped.

“Uh… yeah I guess.” Lance said, “Just tired you know? A lot going on.” Lance lied.

Keith sighed.

“Don’t lie to me Lance.” Keith said crossing his arms, “I know you well enough by now.”

But did he though? He knew enough to sense something was off.

“I guess. I was bothered by Allura piloting Blue. Wait, no by the fact that I didn’t have a lion to pilot.” Lance admitted.

It was pointless to lie to Keith, he would keep pestering him. So he told him the truth.

Keith nodded as if he expected this.

“Yeah. I was surprised that it was Allura who came in the Blue lion.” Keith admitted, “I was expecting it to be you.”

“But everything went fine didn’t it? You guys were fine without me.” Lance said. The last part came out a little more bitter then he meant it to.

Keith was oblivious. His Lance senses not quite in tune.

“Yeah it was smooth honestly the smoothest it’s been.” Keith admitted.

Again Lance was hit with the truth. God this hurts. Somehow he hadn’t expected this from Keith which was stupid, Keith always spoke the truth he was never afraid to speak his mind.

“But that doesn’t mean that it felt good.” Keith continued.

Lance had been looking at the ground but looked at Keith, wide eyed.

“You look surprised.” Keith said frowning.

Lance sputtered.

“It’s just that- everyone was talking about how great it was, how easy forming Voltron was how sync you guys were…” Lance said.

“Yeah sure, but it was weird without you. Not bad more like, uncomfortable. I don’t know.” Keith said scratching his neck.

Uncomfortable. The word which should have been comforting to Lance did not make him feel better in the slightest. Uncomfortable only described how Keith felt about the situation and on another level Lance knew that Keith was attempting to comfort him. Badly but trying. Lance appreciated that but at the same time. At the same time Lance couldn’t deny that he not being there, that combination of paladins was perfect. Effective. This wasn’t about Lance anymore. They had bigger problems. This was about duty about the whole God damn universe. Voltron needed to be at their best whether that was with or without him. In this case without. But Keith’s attempts to comfort fell on deaf ears because Lance had already made up his mind. So he said what Keith was hoping to hear.

“Thanks, Keith. I feel a bit better.” Lance smiled the mask coming on easily.

Keith looked up a bit surprised but smiled.

“Plus Allura said she would stay back at the castle as a back-up paladin.” Lance said.

Keith sighed.

“That’s actually a really good plan.” He smirked, “With the amount of times you get hurt we need a back-up paladin.” Keith said.

Lance looked at him in mock shock.

“You’re just jealous that I’m more heroic then you.” Lance said.

“Sure I was thinking more like clumsy.” Keith said.

Lance smiled and they bickered as they gathered the utensils. It was easy to pretend.

 

* * *

 

Dinner was about as expected. Loud, crowded but even as Lance knew it was the last time he would be here he smiled, laughed and made as many jokes as he could think of. His pain all but forgotten for those two hours. Eventually everyone began to disperse. Allura and Coran showed their guests to their rooms, Shiro and Pidge followed probably to stay up all night with Matt. Keith and Hunk went to their rooms, Hunk pausing at the door when Lance didn’t come immediately.

“You coming, Lance?” Hunk asked.

“Oh I was just going to clean up a bit first, don’t wait up.” Lance said with a smile.

“Oh you don’t have to, I can help.” Hunk said moving back into the room.

Lance shook his hands in front of him.

“No, no the cook does not clean. It’s like an intergalactic rule.” Lance said with a smile, “Grub was great, don’t worry about it I won’t clean up all of it I’ll just make sure it’s not a total disaster in the morning.” Lance gestured to the door, “Go, go! You must be exhausted. I’ll see you later.” Lance said.

Hunk smiled and with a quick thank you and hug he was gone. Just like that.

He did put the dishes away in the space dishwasher. Cleaned up the table as best he could, pushing in the chairs in as he went. Satisfied with his work he went to the kitchen rummaging around for food. He took out a bag which all the paladins carried, it stretched to any size, when nothing was in it, it was about the size of a coin purse and adjusted as more was put into it. Lance stuffed it with as many ration bars and water he dared to put into it. He knew that pod had some but you can’t be too careful.

He swung the bag over his shoulder and exited the kitchen, making his way to his room. As he expected everyone was in their rooms. Only Shiro’s light was still on with several shadows and muffled voices. Pidge and Matt must be in there with him. Lance smiled.

The light in his room greeted him. He move methodically through it. Made the bed. Packing his various bottles and skins projects into a box. He put the slippers next to the bed and the robe back on the hook. Stuffed what little clothes he had into his bag. Grabbing only the things he might need. Some Altean healing gel, a brush, toothbrush, toothpaste. That’s it. He looked around satisfied with his work. He was about to leave when he looked back again. He should leave a note. _Something_. It wasn’t right to leave like this.

He sat down. He pulled out a data pad and wrote. The words becoming perfect typing as he scrawled across it. He wrote it all down, some parts addressed to specific people. He apologized. He said everything he couldn’t to their faces because he knew they would stop him. But this wasn’t about him. It was about the universe and he couldn’t sit on the deck waiting for them and he couldn’t bare being the one to bring them down. He was done. He placed the data pad on the table next to his armor and bayard and walked out of the room.

He half hoped someone would stop him. But if he wanted to be stopped then he wouldn’t have been so sneaky. So he sighed and left to the hangar. He was taking Pidge’s pod. The modified pod would be perfect for the trip. Despite everyone thinking he didn’t know much about tech or engineering he knew quite a bit. The Garrison taught their pilots the basics cause you aren’t always going to have an engineer to fix your problems. The pod was similar enough to a cargo ship and Lance actually thanked the heavens that he started as a cargo pilot.

He filled it with fuel, put his bag in and was about to climb in but stopped. He felt like the lions were staring at him. So he paused and walked up to them standing in front of all five the colorful lions didn’t react. But it didn’t feel right to leave without saying anything.

He cleared his throat voice sounding hallow against the stillness of the metal walls.

“Thank you for everything. Voltron has been the best thing to happen to me.” Lance said and paused, “But it is time that I go. I’m not needed here, wanted but not needed. I can’t stay here bringing the team down and I can’t sit on the sidelines. I hope you understand.” Lance said.

The lions were cold, didn’t move or anything. Lance drew in breath.

“Um Black, you are the best. I hope you keep Shiro safe and don’t push him too hard. He has a lot to deal with. But you know what you’re doing. I’m trusting you.” He turned to the Red lion.

“Red, thanks for letting me be your paladin. It was so fun flying you. Really you’re great! Keep Keith out of trouble okay? He’s getting better but I’m not going to be here to keep him in check. I’m relying on you!” Lance said with a smile.

“Yellow, man you have one of the best paladins in the world. I think you know that already. But he’s very important to me so please keep him safe. As safe as you can. I would appreciate it.” Lance swallowed.

“Green, Pidge is so so young. Curious and kind of nuts. I love her like a sister and I hope you can do what you can to keep her out of trouble. Sometimes she’s a bit too curious, don’t encourage her.” Lance laughed at that.

He gulped turning to the Blue lion.

“I’m still a little mad about you rejecting me. I’m still not sure why you did it the way you did. Maybe you know more than me. You are a sentient robot cat after all. Maybe this is the path that I have to take. But I…” Tears streamed down his cheeks he wiped at them, “I wish I had more time here. Maybe I should stay but my heart tells me I can’t. I just can’t so for that I’m sorry. But Allura is good, she’s great. She’ll take some getting used to but she will be good for you. But I’ll miss you. So so much. I love you. Thank you for everything.” Lance said.

Without think he turned to the rest of the lions and bowed. Showing them respect but at the same time he felt like this was the final act, the play was over and Lance was taking his final bow. His final goodbye to the best thing to happen to him. He got into the pod not looking back at the lions. Again he half hoped he’s see them react or that someone would stop him. But they didn’t. And just like that he left.

He was gone.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The letter Lance leaves behind.

_Everyone,_

_By now you know that I’m gone.  I left last night after everyone was asleep. I’m sorry. It may seem sudden but I left willingly. I couldn’t stay because well you all are the perfect team. You said so yourself yesterday, forming Voltron had never been easier. I half hoped that when you were all out there that you couldn’t form Voltron because I’m selfish I so desperately wanted to be needed but obviously it would work because you’re all wonderful._

_Without me piloting a lion Voltron is perfect. This isn’t about my feelings or about me and the team this is about what is good for the universe. Allura needs to pilot the Blue lion, she makes a great paladin and I refuse to take that away from her. But at the same time I couldn’t sit and watch on the deck, I can’t sit here while the rest of you risk your lives. So I’ve left to go do some good somewhere else._

_I know I shouldn’t have left without saying anything but I knew you guys would stop me because well you are good guys. Don’t look for me, you likely won’t find me anyway. I’ll be fine, I took some extra supplies so don’t worry about me. Just worry about the universe, easy right?_

_Hunk, I know that this hurt you more then I know. I know that I should at least told you, talked to you about this but I’ve already made up my mind. I don’t think even you could convince me. Go easy on yourself, I know you’re going to try and lay all the blame on you but you didn’t do anything. Nobody did. This is my decision. This is something I have to do, I love you and I’m sorry._

_Pidge, I’m so glad that you have Matt back at your side. It really is a wonderful thing. I hope I didn’t ruin it by leaving so quickly after he arrived but only spending a few minutes with him I know he is the best brother for you and cares about you. He also gets a bit worried so maybe you can be a bit more careful for his sake. Keep doing what you’re doing, you’ll be just fine. You’ve never needed me to tell you that. I’ll miss you. Stay safe pigeon._

_Keith, I know that you will be upset after all you literally just talked to me about this and I said I was fine. That was a lie and I’m sorry about that but I had already made up my mind by the time you came to talk to me. I know you’ll be angry you have every right to be. Just know that this is something I had to do and I’m sorry. Don’t go running off and do something dangerous, I won’t be there to keep you back. But I’m sure Shiro will keep you from doing something too dangerous._

_Shiro, you’re my hero and my friend. I’m sorry for leaving without saying anything. Don’t blame yourself or anyone else, this is nobody’s fault. Don’t push yourself too hard, you’re already dealing with a lot and I’m sorry for adding to that list._

_Allura, I know you are going to feel like this is your fault for piloting Blue yesterday. It isn’t. I swear but it did make me realize that Blue is good for you and you are good for Blue. Truly you make Voltron better. Blue couldn’t be in better hands. You’ll be just fine._

_Coran, I don’t have to say it. I’ll miss you, keep everyone safe for me._

_I’m sorry. I’ll miss you. Voltron has been the best thing to ever happen to me thank you for everything._

_Love,_

_Lance_


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The team discovers that Lance has left, supposedly for their own good. However they don't feel that way.

This was the last thing that Hunk thought would happen. When he woke up this morning he was not expecting to find his best friend missing. In fact of the list of people in the Voltron team who would leave Lance would be the last one. He loved Voltron despite his homesickness and he loved the team. Which is why when Hunk went to go wake Lance on request from Allura (he usually showed up late anyway) he did not expect this.

“Lance! Get up we have to-“ he stopped short.

The lights came on the bed was perfectly made, Lance’s stuff in a box on the table. His clothes were gone, all that was left was his armor, his bayard and a data pad next to them glowing with a note. Hunk couldn’t move from the spot for a few seconds shocked to see Lance’s room stripped of his being. The essence of Lance stuffed in a small box like he wanted them to put it in the back of the closet to be forgotten.

Hunk moved slowly to the data pad, a note typed out. He snatched it up and scanned it quickly.

_Everyone,_

_By now you know that I’m gone.  I left last night after everyone was asleep. I’m sorry._

_Without me piloting a lion Voltron is perfect._

_Allura needs to pilot the Blue lion, she makes a great paladin and I refuse to take that away from her._

_So I’ve left to go do some good somewhere else._

_I know I shouldn’t have left without saying anything but I knew you guys would stop me because well you are good guys. Don’t look for me, you likely won’t find me anyway_

_Hunk, I know that this hurt you more then I know._

_I’m sorry. I’ll miss you. Voltron has been the best thing to ever happen to me thank you for everything._

_Love, Lance._

There was a lot more to it, he didn’t even absorb his part of the message before he was running out the door back to the dining room where only the paladins plus Allura and Coran sat. The freedom fighters and Matt slept in this morning so the rest of them could catch up on Voltron business in private.

When Hunk ran into the room Pidge immediately stood sensing his distress, Shiro quick to follow.

“What happened?” Shiro asked looking from Hunk to the data pad nearly getting crushed in his hand.

“Lance- Lance is _gone_!” Hunk practically shouted.

There was a moment of shock before everyone was standing. Shiro and Allura made their way to Hunk as the rest of the group followed.

“Explain.” Allura said.

“His-his stuff is packed in a box and his bed was made, everything neat and tidy. Next to his armor and bayard I found this.” Hunk said gesturing with his hand holding the data pad, “It’s a note from Lance, I didn’t really have time to read it.” He said.

Shiro put a gentle hand on Hunk’s shoulder, taking the data pad from his death grip as he looked it over. His eyebrows knit together as he read and there was a grimace on his face as if it pained him to see it.

“What does it say?” Keith asked impatiently.

Shiro looked up and cleared his throat before speaking.

_“Everyone, by now you know that I’m gone.  I left last night after everyone was asleep. I’m sorry. It may seem sudden but I left willingly. I couldn’t stay because well you all are the perfect team. You said so yourself yesterday, forming Voltron had never been easier. I half hoped that when you were all out there that you couldn’t form Voltron because I’m selfish I so desperately wanted to be needed but obviously it would work because you’re all wonderful.”_ Shiro swallowed.

_“Without me piloting a lion Voltron is perfect. This isn’t about my feelings or about me and the team this is about what is good for the universe. Allura needs to pilot the Blue lion, she makes a great paladin and I refuse to take that away from her. But at the same time I couldn’t sit and watch on the deck, I can’t sit here while the rest of you risk your lives. So I’ve left to go do some good somewhere else.”_ Shiro frowned at the last sentence but continued.

_“I know I shouldn’t have left without saying anything but I knew you guys would stop me because well you are good guys. Don’t look for me, you likely won’t find me anyway. I’ll be fine, I took some extra supplies so don’t worry about me. Just worry about the universe, easy right?”_ Shiro despite himself smiled a bit, that was very Lance-like, “There are some notes to each of us individually and then it says, _I’m sorry. I’ll miss you. Voltron has been the best thing to ever happen to me thank you for everything._ _Love, Lance.”_ Shiro finished.

There was a stunned silence as Shiro read over the letter again Hunk looked around. Allura looked pale her mouth in a hard line as she stared at the floor unblinking. Pidge looked like stone with a blank expression that had Hunk worried. Keith looked well he looked angry and disappointed but it seemed to be more directed at himself then at Lance. Coran was wiggling his hands with sad eyes. Eventually Shiro passed around the data pad and they remained in silence.

They each took turns looking at the data pad, reading their individual notes. Hunk went last taking the data pad from Coran with shaky hands as he looked for his name.

_Hunk, I know that this hurt you more then I know. I know that I should at least told you, talked to you about this but I’ve already made up my mind. I don’t think even you could convince me. Go easy on yourself, I know you’re going to try and lay all the blame on you but you didn’t do anything. Nobody did. This is my decision. This is something I have to do, I love you and I’m sorry._

What an idiot. Hunk thought shaking his head a bit and tears threatened to crawl down his cheeks. What a fucking idiot. Of course he blamed himself, how could he not? He knew, he _knew_ that Lance was having issues he never knew what about or how bad it was but it was clearly affecting him. He had stopped talking about his family back on Earth, after the lion switch he would look at the Blue lion wistfully before turning away with a scowl. The two emotions were so contrasting so unlike Lance’s usual behavior and Hunk had known. He had _known_.

Yet he did nothing. He always thought that he would bring it up but was waiting for the _right time_. Bullshit, there is no right time for anything. He should have said something! If he just said _something_ , anything maybe Lance would have changed his mind maybe he would have _stayed_.

A hand squeezed his shoulder. Shiro.

“Hunk, _Hunk_ look at me.” Hunk did, “This isn’t your fault, it’s nobody’s fault. Lance said so himself. It was his decision.” Shiro said seriously.

“But if I had talked to him maybe I could have-“ Hunk began.

“That kind of thinking gets us nowhere.” Shiro said.

“But-“ Hunk began again.

“ _Enough_!” Pidge yelled making the whole room jump, “I just got my brother back, and I’m _not_ losing another one.” She said and sprinted out.

Hunk blinked before getting up after her the rest of the team followed as they hurried with Pidge down the hall.

“When did he leave?” Pidge asked.

“Dinner ended around eleven. That was the last time I saw him.” Allura stated from the back of the group.

“Lance put away the dishes after dinner, I offered to help but he refused.” Hunk said.

“Alright let’s assume it takes Lance about half-an-hour to clean up the dishes. That’s 11:30. Then he goes back to his room. Shiro, Matt and I stayed up until about 12:30?” Shiro nods as a confirmation, “So Lance must have left just after that. Let’s say around one o’clock to gather supplies. Now it’s nine. That gives Lance an eight hour head start at the least. Possibly ten at the most. Depending on if he left after we had fallen asleep or before.” Pidge threw up her hands.

“ _Damn it_ , Lance. If we had heard him in the hall, if we had been paying attention maybe we could have intervened!” Pidge said turning to Shiro, “But no! I was having so much fun with you and Matt I didn’t even fucking _notice_ -“ she said but was cut off by Shiro grabbing her shoulders and stopping her furious run down the hall.

“You were hanging out with the brother you hadn’t seen in _years_. I was hanging out with one of my best friends that I hadn’t seen in years. We weren’t on top of our game and no one expected us to be. Pidge, look at me.” Pidge had been looking at the floor but stubbornly looked at Shiro eyes filled with tears.

“What has happened has happened, let’s focus on fixing it. Okay?” Pidge hesitated but nodded, “Plus Lance is sneaky when he wants to be. If he doesn’t want to be found it’s likely that it’ll be hard to find him. We need to bring our A game.” Shiro said the last part addressed to the rest of the group.

“Let’s bring him home.” Shiro stated everyone nodded in return.

 

* * *

 

When they entered the deck of the ship Pidge went straight to her console everyone crowding around her to watch.

“Eight hours…” She mumbled. Where could Lance go in eight hours? Not far.

“Eight hours isn’t enough time to leave the galaxy at least. Assuming Lance has stayed in his pod.” Pidge said.

“Yeah he could have boarded a ship. Hitched a ride maybe.” Hunk suggested.

Pidge nodded.

“Yeah it’s possible. But let’s assume he at least hasn’t gotten to that point yet.” Pidge said, “Coran could you?” She asked.

The man perked up and brought up the map of the galaxy they are currently in. Spreading a colored mark around the galaxy.

“This is about how far Lance could have gotten give or take.” Coran said with his hand on his chin.

Pidge nodded.

“That’s about ten planets right there and that’s assuming he’s even landed.” Pidge said quietly.

“Altean pods from this castle should be able to be tracked even without a distress beacon.” Allura said.

Pidge blinked, _of course they could_. Her fingers flew across her screen as she typed into her console.

“Shit. No dice, Lance must have disabled it somehow. Sneaky fuc-“ Pidge said.

“Disabled it? How could he do that?” Shiro asked, “I thought you guys were the tech whizzes on the team.” Shiro said.

“Well Lance actually knows quite a bit.” Hunk said, “Not only does he hang out with me and Pidge but he also was a cargo pilot. You go through that course assuming you will probably never have an engineer on your crew at least not full-time anyway. So he knows his way around the inside of a ship.” Hunk said it proudly although honestly that wasn’t a great thing right now.

“I had no idea.” Shiro said.

“Me neither.” Pidge said looking down at her console ashamed.

“It seems,” Coran sighed, “We didn’t know Lance very well.” He admitted.

They were silent.

“I’m sorry.” Allura said.

Shiro sighed, “You have nothing to be sorry for princess.” He said.

“Perhaps but my actions yesterday pushed Lance into leaving. He sacrificed his opportunity to give it to me. Honestly I was shocked I hadn’t expected him too. But he looked so confident like he truly wanted me to pilot Blue. I talked with him afterward and told him that I didn’t expect him to step down as a paladin that I would return to the ship. But what he saw yesterday, he must have become convinced that the blue paladin was my place and not his. If I had known I would have… talked to him more. Made sure he knew that he was wanted, no, _needed_ here. I can’t believe I didn’t notice even with how much our relationship has grown since I took over as the blue paladin.” She sighed.

“No princess,” Hunk chimed in, “It’s my fault. I knew something was going on and yet I didn’t do anything. I kept telling myself that I would talk to him eventually and I just kept putting it off.” Hunk said.

“No as leader it falls to me.” Shiro said, “I’m in charge of all you guys and recent events caused me to be narrow sighted and I didn’t notice Lance was going through this.” Shiro said.

“ _Enough_.” Keith said, quiet but commanding.

“We _all_ have blame. We can spread it around or we can work on the actual problem. We can tell all this stuff to Lance once we get him back.” Keith said and paused, “But while were sharing blame I’ll take some too. I literally talked to Lance about this yesterday when we were preparing for the party. He was quiet and I asked him what was wrong. At first he tried to lie to me but I told him to quit acting and he told me it bothered him that he didn’t have a lion to pilot. I told him that I didn’t think piloting Voltron felt the same without him… he looked surprised when I said that. But he said he felt better about it and I didn’t push him anymore but I should have. _I should have_.” Keith finished.

They were all silent with this new revelation.

“Even with all that.” Pidge said quietly, “He still left. Even when he had been told that he was wanted here, needed here, he still left. It must have hurt so much for him. He loved Voltron and he only left for what?” She said looking around at the rest of the team, “For the universe? Because he thought that we would be better off without him, because he couldn’t bare taking Blue away from Allura because he couldn’t bare to sit on the sidelines so he just, what? Removed himself from the equation? To go do good elsewhere?” She was practically shouting.

To go do good elsewhere.

_To go do good elsewhere._

The room was silent.

“To go do good elsewhere.” She repeated.

“What?” Hunk asked.

“ _To go do good elsewhere_! The letter, Lance’s letter! He said he’d go do good elsewhere! He didn’t go without a plan! He must have a planet in mind, one of the planets that we couldn’t help! It has to be.” Pidge said typing away on her console.

“He wouldn’t go home?” Coran questioned.

“No way!” Pidge said typing on the keyboard, “He’s a paladin, protector of the universe. It doesn’t matter that he doesn’t have a lion or doesn’t wear the armor! He wants to do good elsewhere, Lance doesn’t go anywhere without a plan. If we can narrow it down to planets we haven’t been able to help with the galaxy we are currently in we can at least project a possible path that Lance would follow! We could catch up to him before he gets there!” She said.

Hunk nodded enthusiastically. _Of course!_ Pidge was a genius.

“How would he know where to go?” Allura questioned.

“Lance has a photographic memory,” Hunk paused and explained to Allura, “A perfect memory he remembers what he had for dinner two years ago if he wants to and he can memorize a list of planets, their coordinates and project a path there. The problem is that although he might have a specific planet in mind we might not be able to find him if he decides to hitch a ride on another ship to get there. There isn’t enough fuel in that pod to get out of the system let alone this galaxy.” Hunk said frowning.

“Shit.” Pidge whispered.

“What?” Keith asked.

“I modified that pod that he took. Not only does it have an extra tank of fuel but it has a blaster too. One that thankfully shouldn’t blow up the pod. He could get pretty far on that alone.” Pidge shook her head, “I’ll enlarge the radius and cross check with that list of planets. I’ll do whatever it takes.” She turned to Hunk, “I promise.”

He smiled, he was sure they would be able to find him, he knew it in his soul. But his heart held more doubt because Lance didn’t want to be found. How do you find someone that doesn’t _want_ to be found?


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The team have finally found some information on Lance, a glimmer of hope. But the problem is that the Galra are already attacking the planets he could be on. The team fight for the safety of the universe with the hope that they will be able to find their friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for your patience!

Thing about trying to find someone that doesn’t want to be found is that they aren’t exactly helping you. But team Voltron was a stubborn bunch and Lance was equally as stubborn. Three days into the search Pidge was able to find the pod’s heat signature. It was difficult to locate because the pod’s signature was altered from the others in the castle due to Pidge’s modifications. When they had found it Lance had already abandoned it, likely to hitch a ride on another ship. The pod was intact with its supplies missing, it gave the team some hope.

Unfortunately the universe still needed saving and the search for the missing paladin was done when the team had time. But as days passed into weeks spirits began to drop. Hunk became more and more secluded. He barely spoke and when he did it was only as necessary.

Pidge was similar to Hunk working on finding Lance every spare moment. No one was sure if she was actually sleeping. It was made only worse by the fact that Matt returned with the freedom fighters going across the galaxy as he did before, this time with a space phone that Pidge could use to contact with. Matt did come by the castle every once and while when he could and that was likely the only time that Pidge actually slept.

Keith was angry, as he usually was. Keith kept to himself more than usual. Whether it was out of fear at snapping or because he couldn’t stand to be around anyone, the team couldn’t tell. But he rarely spoke and kept to himself becoming more reckless then before. Shiro spent most of his time with an extra eye on Keith to keep him from jumping into a situation that he wouldn’t be able to get out of.

Shiro was barely holding it together himself. He hadn’t been particularly close to Lance but with his disappearance came doubt. He had been in charge of all of them and with Lance leaving he realized that he barely knew any of the paladins aside from Keith. This realization came as shock, but with the team in such disarray there was no time to consider the consequences of his neglect.

Allura wasn’t much better. She spent most of her time helping Shiro keep everyone together. But when she thought they weren’t looking she would stare off into space with a frown and a slight glimmer in her eye. She felt guilty. All of it was her fault, if only she had done something differently. But then Coran would come over and speak with her softly. She would nod and continue as she had, trying to act as the strong leader.

Coran was the only one on the team that seemed to be unaffected. But the sadness he felt in his heart was one he had tried to push back. Lance had been _special,_ to Coran anyway. Lance had been one of the only paladins to actually spend time with Coran even when Allura wasn’t around. His presence was a constant comfort but it had been ripped away so quickly. He had reminded Coran of the youthful Alteans he had met in his life, he had reminded him of his son. His son who had died with the rest of Altea. Now losing Lance brought the feelings he had tried to suppress all over again and it was like he was losing his son a second time. And in a way, he suppose he had.

 

* * *

 

Two weeks into the search the team managed to come across a merchant ship they helped evade Galra capture. The captain thanked them and said that they reminded him of a boy he had met a week ago. The team immediately jumped into questions.

“You mean _Lance_? Tall? Tanned skin? Looks like us? Brown hair?” Hunk asked.

The captain blinked his multiple colorful eyes.

“Yeah! He called himself Sanchez, but that sounds like him! Real sweet kid! Helped us more than any of our other pilots! I offered him a place on our ship when I found his pod floating, he was preserving fuel but wasn’t really going anywhere. So I offered to give him a ride in exchange he’d work while we got him to a port. Honestly I wanted to keep him with me but he said had a place to go.” The captain said.

“Did he say where?” Shiro asked.

The captain put a big purple hand to his chin and closed his rainbow eyes.

“No, no I don’t think he ever told me.” The captain said.

The team visibly slumped.

“But I dropped him off on Terra, a port station not too far from here. He was heading for… let me think… the south end of the station.” The captain said.

“Where would that take him?” Pidge asked quickly.

“South end takes merchants to the outer reach of Helios. A lot of it is good planets that haven’t been touched by the Galra yet. But it’s getting dangerous, Galra looking to invade soon if the rumors are true. Most merchants have lost contact with those planets in the last couple of days. If even one of those planets fall then the whole system could be taken. I should have warned him…” The captain scratched the back of his thick neck.

“No, no, that’s exactly where Lance… I mean _Sanchez_ would want to go. Thanks! We’ve been looking for him.” Hunk said.

After some chatting with the captain the team returned with more hope than they had in days. Pidge sat down and brought up a map of the outer reach. She gulped.

“That’s… twenty planets. And cross checking with our list, three planets. Lance could be on any of them.” Pidge sighed.

“ _Hey_ , we are closer than we were. We just have to go to each planet and look for him.” Shiro said.

“That could take _months_.” Allura said, “Searching three entire planets is time we don’t have. We unfortunately have a duty to the universe as well.” Allura stated.

“So _what_?” Keith said, “So we abandon him? Leave him to fight Galra be himself?”

“No, of course not-“

“He could be injured or _dead_ for all we know! It’s been _two weeks_! Half a month! We can’t sit here and do nothing! I’m _not_ giving up on him!” Keith shouted, he was visibly shaking.

There was a moment of silence before Shiro’s hand was on his shoulder.

“We aren’t abandoning him, Keith. But this is a problem. We just… have to think of a solution.” Shiro said be he didn’t sound very convinced.

There was silence.

“There’s.. something else.” Coran said quietly.

The team turned to look at him. On the screen behind him was a video playing.

“This is from one of the planets on our list, Idek. The Galra, they’re already attacking the planet.” Coran said quietly.

The video contained grainy footage of a sandy planet, the Galra landing on the surface firing on an enemy that no one could see. Explosions. Fire. The footage ends when the camera falls into the sand. All you could see was feet marching past.

“This is Galla, Idek’s neighboring planet also on our list.” Coran continued.

The video was similar but this planet was covered in water, with floating civilizations like clouds. But they were burning as the Galra swarmed.

“And Jal.” Coran said finally.

Another video, but on a jungle planet everything aflame.

“If these planets fall, the entire outer reach of Helios will come under Galra control. The captain said so himself. We _have_ to go there.” Shiro said, “We have no choice, whether Lance is there or not.” He finished.

Coran shook his head.

“It’ll be more difficult than you think.” He shifted the videos to the side of the screen and turned to a map.

“Scans show that Galra are already surrounding the planets. It’ll take us a couple of days to get there and then, then it might take several attacks to even get to any of the planets surfaces. Allura can’t worm hole us there, the jump would be too far from our current location. This will be difficult.” Coran said sadly.

“We have to try.” Shiro said. “These planets are the only thing holding the Galra at bay for that system. _We’re going_.” Shiro said.

He released Keith’s shoulder and left.

 

* * *

 

Coran had been correct after three days of travel the worst fight they had been in in recent memory began. Non-stop fighting in Voltron, in the lions, with allies, the Galra were relentless. Days turned into weeks, retreating and fighting, soon turning into months. Months.

The planets Jal and Galla had been overtaken by the time Voltron had arrived. But Idek kept fighting and protecting two planets was already becoming a problem so the team was grateful for Idek’s resolve. Galla was close to Idek, the team being able to see both planets in their line of site. Galla had almost been freed before even more ships and soldiers came to claim it again. Exhausted, Voltron kept fighting. Just a little more and Galla could liberated…

Voltron formed and watched as even more ships headed toward Idek. The planet had been holding its own somehow. But the war cruisers kept coming. This on top of the attacks on Galla.

“ _We have to help them_!” Pidge shouted.

Shiro could feel the sweat trickling down his brow.

“We’ll do what we can but Galla still needs-“ He was cut off but a giant light exploding from Idek’s surface. The beam of light slowly made its way through the atmosphere and disappeared, moments later the ships above the planet exploded one by one. Galra ships destroyed by whatever Idek had released, some sort of weapon?

“What-What was THAT?” Hunk shouted.

“Whatever it was, it bought Idek more time, and us a chance to attack!” Shiro shouted.

Ships began to turn around. Running from Idek and after some fighting the Galra the ships retreated from Galla too, Jal remaining untouched. The Galra, too afraid of Idek’s weapon to continue their onslaught on Galla.

“We have to find out how Idek got such a weapon.” Allura said, her face popping up on Shiro’s screen.

“That kind of weapon, if it can be _replicated_ … We can use it on Jal and Galla. They will be able to defend themselves from invasion.” Allura said.

Shiro nodded.

“You’re right, Princess. It’s time to pay Idek a visit.” Shiro said.

Voltron became the lions again separating as they all floated gently to the desert planet.

 

* * *

 

When they landed on the planet Hunk wasn’t exactly expecting so much sand. Miles and miles of sand. The wind brushing it up as the paladins left their lions to come to the surface.

“Where exactly did that weapon fire from?” Shiro asked, activating his helmet to protect him from the sand that whipped around them dangerously.

“According to the readings it’s not far from here… but something is interfering with the map.” Pidge said tapping away at her map projection.

Shiro frowned.

“Pal- ca- you hear- ee?” Coran’s voice came over the comms.

“Coran, we read you but it’s choppy. What’s going on?” Shiro replied.

“Th- planet’s inter- its pro- a field it is mak- *static* -unications difficult. In fact *static* signals as soon as you- Can you -ear?” Coran’s voice sounded slightly panicked.

“Coran.” Allura said, “Remain calm. We can’t hear you very well. Just know that we are safe, with our lions. If anything happens we will get back to the castle. I promise.” Allura said.

“K, Princ- *static*” Coran’s reply was cut off abruptly. Nothing but static.

“So much for communications.” Pidge said.

“Our comms are working so far.” Hunk pointed out.

“For now. We better not get too far away from one another.” Pidge said.

“Sounds good. Let’s continue on foot. There are still Galra on this planet, flying the lions might be too risky down here.” Shiro said.

“But not bringing them might be a mistake too.” Allura said, “What if we need them?” She asked.

“Then they’ll come for us.” Shiro said with a smile, “Plus we don’t want our potential allies to fire on us because they don’t know who we are.” Shiro said.

“True. Sorry.” Allura said.

“No I’m glad you brought up your concerns.” Shiro said with a soft smile.

There was a moment of silence before Keith cut in.

“Are we _going_ or what?” Keith asked.

“Yeah, let’s go.” Shiro said gesturing to Pidge to lead the way.

 

* * *

 

Turns out they had a bit to go. But luckily the paladin suits kept them nice and cool as the heat of the planet swarmed them. They followed in a single file each time they came to the crest of a sand hill they hoped they would see something. _Anything_. But no, more sand.

“Maybe we should turn back?” Hunk suggested, shielding his eyes and squinting at the horizon, “I don’t see anything out here.” He stated turning to Pidge, “You sure you got accurate readings on that thing?” He questioned.

“100% sure? No. But 99% sure? Yes. Honestly it should be right around _here_. My readings can’t be that off.” Pidge said, tapping again at her map which did indeed say they were close.

“Maybe they’re hiding it?” She suggested.

Hunk was going to reply when he saw two small dots on the horizon coming towards them, fast.

“Uh, guys? We have company.” Hunk said.

“Friendly?” Keith asked, readying his bayard anyway.

“How am I supposed to know?” Hunk said, bayard appearing in his hand, “They’re just making a beeline for us!” He said panicked.

The figures were getting close enough to see two humanoid figures on what were essentially scooters that hovered just above the sand dragging what looked like a large, containers behind them.

Allura moved to the front of the group.

“It’s possible that these are our future allies. We don’t want to hurt them until we know exactly who they are. Keith put away your sword.” Allura ordered.

Keith clicked his tongue at her but the sword disappeared, but he still clutched his bayard in his hand.

They waited as the figures approached, halting a few feet in front of them before dismounting their bikes that continued to float just above the sand. The figures were completely covered, wearing capes, hoods and scarves. It must have been hot but protected them from the worst of the sand.

The two figures reached for weapons on their backs and approached, pointing the weapons at the paladins. Keith’s hand clenched around his bayard and everyone readied themselves for a fight. Allura stepped forward, bayard at her side.

“We are paladins of Voltron, we mean you no harm.” Allura said.

The two figures looked at one another and spoke rapidly in a language none of the paladins understood.

“ _Teka? No volos Voltron a vekka_.” One said, voice chiming in the wind.

“ _Tooka, Voltron a vek_.” The other replied.

They both looked at the paladins, raising their weapons and spoke to the princess.

“ _A vee, cool nos taa_.” And gestured with his weapon.

“Princess? What are they saying?” Shiro asked.

“I don’t know, this language must be ancient, our translators aren’t working. But from their body language I believe they want to take us somewhere.” Allura replied.

“But-“ Shiro began.

“ _Seeya_!” The alien shouted, silencing the two of them.

The other alien came forward, weapon at his side and holding what appeared to be rings. The alien gestured.

“What?” Allura asked.

The alien grabbed her hands roughly, but before Allura could struggle took her bayard, and placed the rings around her hands. A chord of light came between the two rings forming an unbreakable bond. She was cuffed.

The team stiffened around her ready to attack.

“Wait!” Allura said to them, “Just, let them take us. We still don’t know who they are. Let’s just go along with it for now. See if we can learn anything. We can always escape.” She said quietly.

They all looked at one another and obeyed allowing themselves to be handcuffed. The two aliens lead them to the two containers which they opened for the team to step inside. Shiro, Keith and Pidge in one container with Allura and Hunk in the other. The aliens connected their handcuffs to the floor and shut the door. It was mostly dark except for the few slots that light came through.

Hunk looked around nervously while Allura struggled with the cuffs but even her super strength was no match for them. She grunted and leaned against the wall with a huff.

“So much for that.” She said.

“Its fine, Princess. I’m sure that we’ll be able to escape as soon as we get to wherever we’re going.” Hunk said.

The princess smiled and they sat in silence for a while the container swayed.

“I’m sorry.” Allura said.

“What for?” Hunk asked’

“For this situation and for not coming here sooner. I know that you’ve been worried about Lance. We have been suspecting that he’s been on one of the planets and… I put the mission before him. But after this, after we find this weapon and replicate it… I promise we will spend whatever time we have to to find him. We _will_ find him, Hunk.” Allura said.

Hunk sat silently for a bit before he replied.

“I know, we’ll find him for sure.” Hunk said.

At that moment the container came to an abrupt halt causing Hunk to nearly collapse on Allura, while they situated themselves the container door opened.

The alien stepped inside unlocking them from the floor before tying them to each other.

“ _Ve ka_.” The alien said, pushing them towards the front of the container. They stepped out, seeing Shiro, Keith and Pidge doing them same. They were still surrounded by sand but there were dome buildings next to them, and cargo containers surrounding them. They were in some kind of base or outpost as far as Hunk could tell.

They were ushered into the dome building and forced to sit on the dirt floor. It was dark in the room, weapons lining the walls, equipment on the other. The walls had the symbol for the Galra on one of the interior walls. So this was a Galra base, great. The two aliens joined the two others in the base, but their faces were exposed. The aliens had orange, scaled skin, like a lizard, definitely not Galra. They had bright large eyes, large pointed ears and sharp teeth. Their hands were large and despite the danger Hunk found them fascinating. The four talked for a while inspecting the bayards they had taken.

The two who had captured them left, leaving the lizard aliens with the paladins. They watched the paladins closely before another figure stepped into the room. Tall, covered from head to toe. They couldn’t see his face and the voice that came out sounded robotic to Hunk’s ears, another alien?

“ _Tuch acha_?” The newcomer asked.

“ _Voltron, se vak nah ma_.” One of the lizard men replied and smirked, “ _Ve co halla m’nan_.” He said. The lizard gestured and the newcomer paused. The lizard alien handed over the bayards which the newcomer attached to his belt before going over to the paladins. He roughly took Hunk’s hands, by the cuffs and made him stand. Allura followed along with everyone else since they were now attached to one another.

They were ushered out the door, back into the sandy waste. The two lizard men followed behind but something about the newcomer seemed familiar. The way he walked. Something seemed like this was Lance in front of him. But it was just a feeling he had, an overwhelming feeling. But it couldn’t be right? No way would he be working for these thugs. But without thinking his voice slipped out.

“ _Lance?_ ” Hunk asked.

The newcomer paused and turned to look at Hunk. The figures in the back stopped.

“ _Lance?!_ ” One of the lizard men said, his face contorted in rage, “ _Ka’vaka!_ ” He shouted, grabbing his gun from his holster.

Lance grabbed his own pistol on his belt, yanking the cuff link down causing the team to ungracefully fall to the ground. He shot the lizard alien who shouted his name. He went down as he shot the other. The two who had brought them here rounded the corner seconds later, Hunk twisting to see as Lance shot the two of them between the eyes in rapid succession. And it was over.

Lance marched over to them, bringing the scarf that was hiding his face down, revealing that tan skin and cocky grin. Hunk’s eyes immediately started to fill with tears as he stared at the face he had missed for so many months. It had changed but it was still the face of his best friend.

Lance deactivated the cuffs freeing everyone as he helped Hunk rise from where he had fallen on the ground.

“Hey, I know you have questions but we have to go.” Lance said seriously.

“W-where are we going?” Hunk asked, finally finding his voice again.

Lance turned to the front, smiling back at the group.

“The rebel base of course!” Lance said.

Hunk thought his heart was about to burst with happiness. They found him.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The reunion with Lance does not go as expected and Lance is full of surprises as he guides the paladins to the rebel base.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for waiting! The next chapter will probably be long! So this one was short, stay tuned!

Lance handed back the bayards he had taken to each paladin, not making eye contact. He worked with efficiency as if this meeting did not affect him in the slightest. In reality his mind was reeling. Lance was perfectly aware that Voltron had been in the area for the last several months. He also knew that when the rebels showed their new weapon that Voltron would come to investigate. So he thought he prepared himself for this meeting. He had been wrong.

The feelings came up as fresh as the day he left. Hurt, pain, grief at what he had lost. But he hid it well. The pain seemed less he thought, but that could have been his imagination. When he was done handing out the bayards something happened that the team didn’t expect.

“Let’s go.” Lance said going to the front of the group.

“Wait a second.” Hunk said.

Lance paused and clenched his jaw just in time for Hunk’s fist to make contact with it. There was a collective gasp from the rest of the team as Lance’s head flew backwards. Even if you’re expecting a punch from Hunk the overall strength of it is always a shock. But Lance didn’t fall. He had endured worse in the last several months.

Pidge ran between them acting as a shield her arms extended as she stood in front of the hunched over Lance. Keith and Shiro grabbed Hunk as he struggled weakly against them, in reality he could take them easily. Allura came around Pidge placing a hand on Lance’s arm.

“Are you alright? Lance?” Allura asked.

“What the _hell_ was that Hunk?” Pidge demaned, “We finally find him and you decide to deck him?!” She shouted.

There was a laugh that broke the tension. Lance laughed, both Pidge and Allura turning to look at him in confusion along with Keith and Shiro. Blood trailed from Lance’s mouth that he spit out, wiping it away.

“Damn Hunk, I think you got _stronger_. You nearly knocked me out.” Lance said.

“If I moved a centimeter lower you would be out cold.” Hunk said, “But you moved right in time. Did you know I was going to hit you?” Hunk asked.

“It’s a normal reaction. So yeah. I’m pretty smart you know.” Lance said, moving away from Allura who stood frozen watching in shock at this interaction.

Keith and Shiro let go of Hunk who barreled forward, pushing Pidge out of the way with ease as his giant arms embraced Lance, crushing him to his chest.

Lance tried his best to hug back but his arms were pinned to his side. So he grabbed the sides of Hunk’s suit. The smell of the castle and the sand on his armor. Lance sighed, he had missed him.

“I missed you.” Lance said.

“I missed you too.” Hunk said squeezing harder, “You have a lot of explaining to do.” He relaxed, releasing Lance keeping him at an arms-length, large hands on his shoulders.

“I know. But not here.” Lance said, he looked around the area.

Lance went rigid, jerking his head to the side and looking at the horizon. Hunk let go of his shoulders.

“Lance?” Hunk asked concerned.

“Shhh.” Lance said, bringing his finger to his lips. He brought his hand to his ear.

Hunk blinked for a moment confused but shut his eyes and focused on his hearing. But there was so much wind it was hard to hear anything.

“What? Is that electricity?” Pidge asked quietly.

Lance smiled.

“Yes. That is the sound of an electrical storm. It’s still a bit far. We have about half-an-hour. We need to get to your lions and back to the rebel base before it hits.” Lance said, he began walking beckoning to the team to follow.

“An electrical storm? I don’t see any clouds.” Hunk said.

“Yeah, well the atmosphere here is pretty unstable. In reality it’s electrified. Every once awhile the atmosphere has to become stable so it dispels energy in the form of an electric storm. I’m sure you’ve noticed but communications are difficult. Even working electronics can be hard here. But we can make do.” Lance said.

Lance moved among the crates, looking through some of them here and there. He grabbed some weapons, and put them in a empty box.

“Can you grab this?” He asked Hunk, handing him a box. Soon every paladin was carrying a crate. Lance a handful of guns strapped to his body.

The group halted in front of something covered in a tarp.

“What’s is this? I hope you don’t expect us to carry that.” Keith said.

Lance let a small laugh.

“No Keith, this is our ride.” Lance said.

He ripped off the tarp to reveal a car or it looked like a car anyway. It floated a few feet off the ground. It was rusting in a few places and honestly was not the best looking thing. But to Lance it was his baby and had gotten him through pretty much every situation. He opened the trunk and the paladins unloaded their burdens.

Shiro look skeptically at the car.

“I don’t think we will all fit in there.” Shiro said.

Lance clapped him on the shoulder.

“I’m sure you’ll figure it out.” Lance said, jumping into the driver’s seat.

They did manage to fit somehow. Hunk and Pidge sat upfront, Pidge practically sitting in Hunk’s lap. Allura was squeezed between Shiro and Keith in the back. Shiro basically sitting on his side to accommodate the princess while Keith tried to make himself as small as possible. Lance put his hands on the wheel and turned it and the car violently in the opposite direction.

“Uh do you know where you are going?” Pidge asked.

“Yeah. I know where you guys landed. I was making my way over to you but then the other guys beat me to it.” Lance replied.

“What were you doing? Those guys acted like they knew you.” Pidge said.

“Well yeah, I was spying. I had been working undercover for a couple of weeks-“ Lance was about to comment further when a voice interrupted him.

“ _Ka fas! Lance, ka fas ne va!_ ” The voice chimed loudly from Lance's direction.

Lance swore and began digging in a pocket under his cape. He pulled a small stone, shaped in a diamond. Bright blue it pulsed in his hand.

“ _Ova! Ken a vala. Voltron ne vak. Je vame. Je vame._ ” Lance said.

The voice on the other end sighed.

“ _Nala. Jela hal._ ”

“ _Jela hal._ ” Lance replied. The stone dimmed and Lance placed it back in his pocket.

“We better get a move on. My boss is _not_ happy.” Lance said.

“Did you just speak a different _language_? Like the language of the planet?” Pidge asked.

“Yeah? You heard me earlier didn’t you?” Lance asked.

“Yeah but I thought maybe you used a translator or something.” Pidge said.

“Oh Pidge, I learned English in two months. The language of this planet is a walk in the park compared to that.” Lance said with a smile.

“You _what_?” Pidge asked.

Lance laughed and slammed the gas, speeding across the sandy desert towards the lions, shining softly in the distance.

 

* * *

 

By the time they arrived at the base with their lions the electrical storm was two minutes away. Lance drove the car below the lions flying behind him single file. Shiro led, following Lance’s small form as his floating car drove over huge hills of sand at neck breaking speeds. Lance waved as they approached a rock formation that stretched across the landscape like a wall.

Shiro zoomed in on Lance’s form, he signaled with his hands to keep going. But Lance did not appear to be stopping as the rocks came closer and closer.

“What the hell is he doing?” Keith asked.

“He says to keep going.”  Shiro said.

“He’s going to crash into the rocks!” Hunk shouted.

“Let’s trust him.” Pidge said, “I mean Lance knows what he’s doing.”

“I agree. Let’s keep going.” Shiro said. He pressed forward, the lions following.

Shiro watched and even if he was trusting Lance he couldn’t help the lump in his throat as Lance’s piece-of-junk car approached the solid rock formation without slowing. In fact he was speeding up. Shiro swallowed and near cried out when Lance hit the formation and… disappeared.

Shiro didn’t have time to question it because as the lions hit the rock formation they passed through. The scenery changed, open sky was around them, and sand. Lance’s car could be seen in front of them once again, he was smiling. Lance went a ways before he slowed. Finally signaling Shiro to land. The lions descended landing on the sand once again.

Shiro left his lion, coming down the ramp.

“Where is the base?” He asked as he and the rest of the paladins followed.

“You’re standing on it.” Lance said. Lance took the stone out of his pocket, and held it in his hand. He whispered the phrase he had said before.

_“Jela hal.”_

The stone glowed until it was too blinding to look at. Shiro covered his eyes. The ground shifted and jerked. He steadied himself, the glowing faded and Shiro watched as they descended into the earth along with the lions. The sand drifting downwards and metals walls surrounded them as the slowly traveled down.

“Paladins of Voltron, I would like to formally welcome you to the resistance.” Lance said with a smile.

The doors closed off the sky as the paladins descended further into the earth.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance and the paladins are finally reunited six months after his disappearance. Although happy to be together again they want answers and Lance might be providing more questions instead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for being patient! I couldn't quite get this chapter right and ended up starting over several times but now I'm finally satisfied! It's a bit longer so enjoy!

It was hard to see as the paladins were cast into darkness. Only the soft glow of Lance’s crystal gave a sense of space, the gentle light bouncing off of the metal walls. The loud drone of what was essentially a large elevator continued as Lance watched his team take in what was happening, a soft smile playing on his lips. But even with the team finally here and together again anxiety blossomed in his chest with renewed fever. They would demand an explanation. Ask him why he left. It had been months, six to be exact. A small part of him hoped they would never find him and the other was so desperate to see his team, his _family_ again that he could cry. The mixture of emotions left a small shaking in his hand. He was only snapped back to reality when a voice attempting to overcome the drone of the elevator shouted at him.

“How far down are we going?!” Pidge shouted.

Lance blinked.

“We’ll be there soon!” He replied.

Even in the dark he saw her pout at his answer, not exactly _exact_ he knew but it wasn’t like he actually measured how far underground the rebel base was. At least now they had an elevator! Before you have to take the stairs which were pitch _black_ by the way. He nearly died several times from those stairs and well… other things.

A few moments later light burst from the bottom of the platform as the metal walls fell away the platform now descending to the floor of an extremely large cavern, the size of several football fields. Lance smiled as he watched the paladins taking in the space which was packed with people. Even Keith looked impressed. Lance pocketed the blue crystal and looked at the ground below as he spotted his boss waiting patiently for them to descend. Lance grinned and waved and proceeded to jump off the platform before it was even remotely close to the ground.

“Lance!” Shiro shouted with slight panic.

But Lance had jumped from higher a million times. He rolled as he touched the ground, his landing light and got up quickly.

“I’m home captain!” Lance said, speaking in the language of the planet.

The captain was rather beautiful in Lance’s opinion although he knew she didn’t think so. She was tall almost eight feet, towering over Lance. She was covered in lizard scales that were the color of the sand. If she stood still long enough no one would even know she was there, she’d just blend right in. Her eyes were pitch black and reflected every light like the stars themselves were in her eyes. She didn’t have hair exactly but she had tendrils coming the top of her head that wove themselves into a braid. From what Lance understood they were a sensory part of her body like smell or taste. They were sensitive but from what Lance had no idea. He just knew better than to touch them. Scars marred her scales, leaving patchy skin underneath. But they were all covered in scars now.

“Welcome home, Lance.” The captain replied, the two of them clasped hands and held those hands for several long moments before letting go. A greeting that Lance had grown used to over his months here.

Lance heard as the paladins, impatiently using their jetpacks to jump from the platform.

The captain looked behind him, observing as the paladins made their way to them.

“So these are the paladins of Voltron?” The captain’s sing-song voice asked.

“Yes. My…” Lance began he was about to say ‘team’ but that not what they are now is it?

“My friends.” He finished.

The captain looked at him pointedly as if to say, ‘what haven’t you told me?’ but he simply shook his head in reply.

The captain smiled as the paladins approached.

“I’m sure that by now your translators are working.” The captain said.

“Yes they are function perfectly, I’m glad we are able to communicate.” Shiro said with a smile.

He proceeded to take off his helmet, the rest of the team following suit. His hair had grown longer since Lance had last seen him. The sides not buzzed but still short. Shiro was normally so on top of his hair, it always looked the same. Lance briefly wondered what he had missed. He took that moment to look over everyone, the helmets no longer obscuring their faces.

Allura was practically the same but something in her eyes was wiser now. He imagined with everything that had been going on that her and Blue were the perfect team. She no longer had that quirk in her eyebrow that she always got when she was slightly nervous. She was steady, solid but tired. The slight circles under her eyes showed.

Keith was next in line. Lance had to do a double take because well, he had never once seen Keith tie up his hair. The boy was notorious for having long locks of his hair sticking to his face and refusing to tie it back at any moment. Lance had tried to convince him several times to tie it back but he had always refused. But here was Keith Kogane with longer hair tied in was appeared to be a _man-bun_. _(A man-bun!)_ Lance had to stop himself from making any kind of comment, bad or otherwise.

Hunk looked well, he looked tired. Whenever Lance thought of Hunk early sunshine came to mind. Bright, warm and soft. But his eyes betrayed exactly how tired he was. He looked hollow. Like someone had taken all that sunlight and gored it out of Hunk’s being leaving him a shadow of his former self. Lance knew a lot of that was because of him and it made his heart ache.

Pidge looked like a gremlin. Lance wasn’t saying that to be mean he said that because she literally looked like death. Her already pasty skin was ghostly pale, her cheekbones stuck out and her eyes were dangerously close to falling out of her head. The dark circles only emphasizing her ghost-like presence. Lance’s gut twisted, how could any of them let her stay up so late doing god-knows-what? She looked like she was about to fall over!

His attention was drawn back as Shiro began to introduce everyone.

“I am Shiro, the black paladin. This is Princess Allura the blue paladin. Keith the red paladin, Hunk the yellow paladin and Pidge the green paladin. Thank you for meeting with us.” Shiro said.

The captain offered her hand and Shiro took it, assuming he would shake it but she simply held it, covering the other side with her other clawed hand. Shiro looked slightly taken aback but seemed to melt into the gentle touch.

“Greetings, Shiro. _Jela hal_.” The captain said.

Shiro blinked.

“I’m sorry that last part didn’t translate.” Shiro said.

The captain smiled.

“It wouldn’t, that phrase is ancient. But it means _to not be afraid_.” The captain said.

There was a pause as she let go of his hand.

“Lance said that earlier. To get here, and when he was talking to you.” Shiro said quietly.

The captain nodded.

“We gather strength from that phrase. It binds us in a common cause. We let go of our fear but denying it substance, by saying that we are not afraid. It does one’s soul good, bravery is not a lack of fear but it is acknowledging it and not giving it power over your being.” The captain said.

Shiro looked mystified as the captain moved on to Princess Allura exchanging the same greeting with all the paladins who reacted similarly to Shiro and by the end they looked like they had just woken from a fog. The captain had that effect on people.

Once she was done she stood at the front of the group again.

“I am Captain Ova, I am in charge of this rebel base. You know Lance,” She gestured to Lance who blinked at his name the paladin’s full attention drawn to him, “Lance acts as my second-in-command, strategist and… spy. I already know that he was once a paladin and his information has been beyond valuable. He has saved countless lives.” Captain Ova stated.

There was a slight pause as once again the paladins seemed to be looking at him like they had never seen Lance before.

“I don’t know the circumstances of Lance’s departure from your group and I do not know if you came here for him…” The captain began.

“Captain.” Lance whispered trying to stop her.

“But Lance is an invaluable part of my crew and a _dear_ friend. If he decides to leave on his own I will not stop him. But I also do not want to see him hurt, physically or otherwise.” She stated.

“ _Captain_!” Lance hissed.

“But until that moment you are welcome guests here at Neva, which is the name of this base. Lance is more than capable of taking care of your needs, so please let him. Should you require anything Lance is able to contact me through his crystal. If you’ll excuse me.” She nodded, smiled and left.

Leaving Lance with everyone, who had just been threatened by his captain. Not only had she misinterpreted everything but she had casually threatened Voltron the _defenders of the fucking universe_ over _him_. Lance wanted to crawl into the floor. He stared back at the paladins as they stared at him until the tension became too much.

Lance cleared his throat.

“You can… follow me.” Lance said.

He turned on his heel and started leading them through the cavern. It was made from porous stone, small plants growing inside it that lit the underground space. The buildings were made from the same stone and Lance went through the streets passing colorful aliens of all shapes and sizes after all the resistance didn’t really discriminate. Many of them whispered to one another as the paladins passed. Others greeted Lance, he waved and smiled and chatted as he lead the team through the throng of people. They travelled Lance remembering how endless it had seemed when he first came here. He snuck a look back at the paladins who followed him silently but he saw the same awe-struck look that he likely had in the beginning too. He smiled, looking forward.

At last they turned on a side street and came to one of the stone buildings, Lance pushed aside a curtain and beckoned for the others to follow. The room was small but cozy. The rug on the hard ground was covered in pillows of every shape and size, a large one that Lance used as his bed in the corner. The glowing plants also cascaded themselves through his walls washing the room in a soft green glow.

He didn’t have much in the way of things. With his work he couldn’t carry much with him but a few trinkets were on the shelves. There was a long table on one end of the room and he made his way over to it.

“This is my home.” Lance gestured for them to sit, “Please.”

He immediately began to remove his cloak, gloves and scarf. He unloaded his pistols, his assault rifle and his sniper onto the table with practiced precision. He checked the weapons, going over his routine. He registered the paladins shuffling around the room. Now that they were here he had no idea was to say. What to do. He had known that Voltron would come here eventually. _He knew it_. Of course they would, for the weapon. _That_ weapon. Lance had thought he had prepared himself for the onslaught that would be their questions. He thought he was prepared since he spotted them landing on the planet, the panic he felt when they were taken by the Galra no matter how briefly.

But now he was standing there, back to them and panicking like a child. How _pathetic_. He hadn’t grown an inch.

“Why did you leave, Lance?” Hunk asked quietly.

Lance paused. Hunk broke the spell with some words. Of course he did. Lance let out a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding. He turned.

They were all looking at him, watching him except for Keith who had been absorbed in something on one of the shelves. Lance watched as he picked it up and his hand seemed to shake a bit, although that could have been Lance’s imagination.

“What _is_ this?” Keith asked, voice very _very_ quiet.

The other paladins turned to look and the air in the room seemed to stop.

“Is that your _jacket_?” Pidge asked in quiet horror.

“What’s left of it.” Keith said.

The piece of fabric in Keith’s hands was what was left of Lance’s favorite jacket. It hardly resembled it anymore, tore, frayed and covered in dark red blood. No matter how many times Lance has washed it the stains didn’t come out. Lance sat down in front of the group, gently taking the fabric from Keith with a sad smile.

“Even though I couldn’t get the stains out, I couldn’t let it go. It’s one of the few things that I kept from Earth…” Lance said thoughtfully, “My mom had spent way too much on this jacket, but I loved the damn thing and so of course she was going to buy it for me. I never took it off.” Lance said quietly.

“Obviously you can see that something happened.” Lance said, sneaking a glance from the jacket to the faces around him.

“Is that blood yours?” Shiro asked quietly, his face of such concern.

“Yes.” Lance said, Shiro blanched and so did everyone else, “But as you can see I’m fine.” Lance said.

He folded the fabric and placed it on the shelf that Keith had taken it from. He looked at everyone again and wrapped his arms around his knees.

“I should probably start at the beginning.” Lance said.

The words flowed out a lot better than Lance thought they would. He hadn’t rehearsed this but he had had dreams and nightmares about this explanation. But for some reason now that it was here in front of him the words flowed out smoothly like water.

“When Matt came aboard the ship everything changed. It wasn’t exactly that moment sure, there was a lot of buildup but that was definitely the last straw to break the camel’s back. The alarms are blaring and everyone is running for a lion. Shiro is in Black and Keith is in Red right behind him. I run towards Blue and so does Allura.” Lance said, Allura shifts slightly in her seat.

“We’re confused the two of us, she insists I go and I insist a little harder that she goes. Allura loves piloting and she’s great at it. She mastered two of Blue’s special abilities in what? Twenty minutes? So yeah I insist that she go. She assures me that my place on the team isn’t in jeopardy and everything will go back to normal with her at the castle and me flying Blue. I believe her. I see you guys go and I head to the deck. I watch the screens with Matt, we talk and we watch as you guys struggle against the Galra.” Lance paused.

“There was a selfish moment that I had hoped that you wouldn’t be able to form Voltron. It was stupid because you’re all so talented and so in tune with one another. You form Voltron and it’s great, perfect even. Matt says so, “God, they’re… _amazing_.” His words. It comes crashing down on me like a stack a bricks. You guys really didn’t _need_ me. I had expressed concerns earlier before… we got the real Shiro back. Too many paladins and not enough lions. But at that time it was alright but then, then it was a real problem. I knew that what Allura said was probably what was going to happen. But was it best?” Lance asked.

He looked at all of them before looking at the floor.

“Allura is an amazing pilot, and she loves to fly I didn’t want to take that from her. I can’t pilot Red, Red was never mine in the first place. Plus I’m not good as Shiro’s second. So that leaves me without a lion. I just sort of clicked I guess. So I made a plan right then and there to leave and go somewhere else, anywhere else really. Some place I could do some good. I decided on Idek. So I played the part enjoyed the party, tidied my room and left. I took the pod that Pidge modified with extra fuel and just went.” Lance said.

He took a breath the painful part of the story was over. He unwrapped his arms from around his knees and sat cross-legged instead. He looked at all of them.

“Obviously I ran out of fuel, I had to take several detours from Galra patrols. Eventually a merchant ship found me and said they would take me to a port in exchange for work.” Lance said.

“That’s how we found you.” Hunk said quietly.

Lance raised a brow.

“We saved that captain from the Galra and he gushed about you we knew you were in the system for a while but by the time we came…” Hunk trailed off.

“The Galra were already invading.” Lance finished.

Hunk nodded.

Lance smiled.

“Captain Je was great to me, wanted to keep me on his crew but I had things to do. So I boarded a different merchant ship heading to Idek. But at the last minute the captain of that ship decided not to land. I argued with him, stole a pod and crash landed on the planet. I did a pretty good job. But obviously Idek is more than you expect. When I landed the rebels were monitoring the surface they had been ready for weeks for invasion. They saw me and thought either I was Galra or I was help. So after wandering around for hours they picked me up and interrogated me.” Lance said.

“I had no way to prove who I was, that I was a former paladin. The captain knew some English so we understood one another she asked me questions and I had answers. They decided to trust me for the time being. So they put me on the front line at the start of the Galra invasion. They figured that if I made it out than they could trust me.” Lance paused.

“We saw a video.” Pidge said quietly, “Of the invasion. It looked like hell.” Pidge said.

Lance nodded.

“It was. That when this happened.” Lance gestured to the jacket.

Hunk gulped.

“I was on the front like, they gave me some makeshift armor but nothing like what you guys have. I had a gun and it was intense. I was doing well, it wasn’t my first battle after all. But Galra invasion is different when you’re on the ground. They were always throwing something at us. But I noticed that they were using this weapon. It was essentially a grenade launcher. It was taking out a lot of our defenses. They only had one so I decided to do something about it. I signal to the guys next to me that I’m going to take care of it. I didn’t understand a word they said but they seemed to give me the signal. I go and move forward as much as I dare and try to hit it. I do, but not before a grenade is aimed at me. It explodes and there’s shrapnel everywhere and it rips through everything. I couldn’t hear anything, I could barely see. But someone is picking me up by my chest, the Galra had these guys on these floating motorcycles. They came up and snatched people, causes chaos, tried to grab people and kill them if they are causing trouble. Infiltrate and eliminate kind of thing. So one of these guys has a hold of me. But I’m hurt, I don’t realize how badly until later but I’m dazed. This guy is dragging me for I don’t know how long until I come to my senses.” Lance said.

“I kick at his bike with all my strength, he lets me go and I’m in the sand and he’s riding off. He probably figured that I was close to death anyway. The battlefield seems so far away and everything is blurry. The sand is wet with my blood and I look down and my skin is torn and blood is just pouring out.” Lance swallowed at the memory.

His hands everything is coated in red, in his daze he realizes weakly that he was bleeding the red blanketing everything. He’s dying.

“I just laid in the sand for a while. I don’t know how long but I’m convinced that I’m going to die in the desert. But suddenly I feel this, presence. Overwhelming and it is calling to me so I start crawling, I didn’t notice this giant rock behind me and it has this little cave. I figure dying in a cave was better than the desert. There was no guarantee that anyone would find me or get to me in time. Inside I found…” He paused.

“What? What did you find?” Pidge asked.

Lance hesitated.

“It would be better if I showed you.” he admitted, “I honestly don’t think you’ll believe me unless you see it.” Lance said.

“Oh for quiznack’s sake just tell us what it is.” Keith said exasperated.

Lance pouted.

“Lance, please.” Allura said.

Lance softened and grew serious.

“It was… a lion of Voltron. A _white_ lion of Voltron.” Lance said.

Silence.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance explains how he found the white lion to the paladins, and what exactly happened to him that day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the great feedback and for always being patient! Have some langst I love it so much!

A lot of things happened at once. Allura stood as if she was going to run off somewhere. Pidge was attempting to ask a question but apparently couldn’t decide on which one and was just sputtering random words. Shiro was trying to calm her.

“Pidge pick a question, you’ll get your chance to ask them all.” He said calmly.

Hunk looked as if he had lost all of the color in his face his lips tight with anxiety.

Keith looked like he regretted asking, his eyes wide and mouth falling open. Lance raised his hands urging Allura to sit.

“Please princess, sit.” Lance said.

“I must see this creature, this thing that is pretending to be a Voltron lion. There is no way! My father only created five lions!” Allura urged, still standing.

“I know.” Lance said.

Allura blinked.

“What?” She asked.

“Your father _did_ only create five lions. This lion, the white lion I mean is older. Much older and created by someone completely different. So please Princess let me explain, sit.” Lance said.

Allura looked at him skeptically but sat roughly on the seat cushion.

“Let me start at the beginning.” Lance said.

He took a deep breath it was after all, a very long story.

 

**_5 Months Ago_ **

Warmth, that is what Lance felt first. Warmth underneath him and then a stinging cold from above, or was it from behind? He felt the chill on his back but everything seemed upside-down and sideways. Lance felt the rough texture of sand crawl across his face, kicked up by the wind. Was he home? No. That can’t be. This sand was rougher than home.

Lance opened his eyes and the action seemed to take more strength than it should, he never in his life felt so tired. His eyes blurred and he blinked as sand attempted to enter them, brought along helplessly by the wind. As his vision cleared he saw endless sand against a pitch black sky. Guns fired in the background and slowly he remembered.

Landing on Idek, the intense heat on his back as he travelled for what seemed like miles across the endless sand. A captain, tall with intense beauty, the kind that demanded respect asked endless questions with an accent. Someone handing him armor and a gun and telling him to stand on the front line. He saw the weapon and ran past the barricade, the only thing between him and the onslaught of laser fire so he could get a better shot. He hit it but not before it hit him. Fire, sharp pain, his ears were ringing. Then someone grabbing him, realizing it was Galra he kicked at the bike and then…

He was here.

Face down in the sand he simply breathed and even that seemed to take far too much energy. Lance slowly and painfully rolled over. The process was painstaking. His shoulders crumpled, his chest seemed to be stabbed with every movement but he had to know. Even in his hazy mind he knew that facing down would only make the wounds on his chest bleed faster, meaning he would die faster. But he guessed at the wetness in the sand beneath him, that he was already done for.

With a huff he landed on his back, limp against the sand which was still warm. He imagined it was his bed underneath the stars as he stared at the infinite black. The stars twinkled back and he watched them for a moment before he looked down at his chest.

He hardly recognized it. There was a long slash going from his left shoulder to the bottom of his abdomen, pieces of shrapnel sticking out of it. He should have known that those weren’t just simple grenades. The Galra were ruthless, a simple bomb wasn’t enough. The blood seemed to pour from it, although the sand stuck and however unsanitary it was, kept with blood relatively in place the golden sand quickly turning scarlet.

There were smaller cuts everywhere, and burns on his arms, where he had tried to cover his face. The armor the rebels had given him was in tatters and his jacket was even worse. That made him even sadder. He loved this stupid jacket even if he knew that something like this would happen. He wasn’t sure why he always wore the same jacket. It was comfortable but honestly not really with his style. But it was something from Earth. Something from home. His good luck charm. His hope.

And it was covered in blood. His blood to be exact.

Some luck.

Lance lowered his head, or more like collapsed completely against the sand. He pressed a shaky hand against his wound attempting to apply pressure. It didn’t really matter at this point but he tried. He was always trying. Always.

A bitter tear ran down his face.

Of course it was him. It was always him. He was going to die in the middle of this desert planet, far from home, far from friends and no one would ever know. His bones would be buried among the sand and no one would ever find him. It was too pathetic really. _He_ was pathetic.

He let out a short and bitter laugh before going silent. He saw his family, but their faces were fuzzy around the edges. He hadn’t seen them in a while. Fond memories floated across him mind in a lazy fashion as if he had all the time in the world to watch them.

His mother smiling at him when he told a particularly funny joke, _Hijo_ , she’d say with a laugh. Laugh lines creasing around her mouth, curly hair flying in the wind. She was beautiful.

His brother jumping into the ocean from a cliff, waving as he surfaced from the water, _Lazaro_ , he called, waving. He was so cool. Much cooler than Lance ever could be.

His cousin sitting between his legs his hands busy in her hair as she murmured in her shy voice, _Lancy_ , he smiled his fingers weaving in and out.

Weaving in and out.

In and out.

He wasn’t sure when he had closed his eyes but he swallowed the metallic taste in his mouth, but choked on the blood as it overflowed from his mouth. He rolled his head to the side, trying to spit the blood out but it dribbled out of his mouth he didn’t have the energy for it.

He closed his eyes against the violent scarlet that was soaking into the sand. More images came but it was from a different family.

Shiro, big and tall smiling gently at Lance. He didn’t do it often and Lance wasn’t entirely sure if that smile was meant for him but he took it as his anyway. This smile, this one soft smile was for him.

Keith, grunting as he tried to suppress a smile. But he covered his mouth before laughing out loud, big and full. It had been one of the few times that Lance had made him laugh so loudly. Small victories.

Pidge tapping away at her computer, looking over at Lance before rolling her eyes but he saw her mouth quirk just a little. Nailed it.

Allura, looking up at Lance with a sigh expecting a shitty one-liner but her eyes became moons as he asked how she was _, Lance, thank you_ , she said with a small smile. Her eyes sparkled.

Coran, tugging at his mustache and as Lance told his joke burst into sudden laughter causing him to pull on his own mustache sending both of them into a fit of giggles. _Lance, my boy_ he sigh between fits.

Hunk, smiling at Lance while he applied a clay mask, Lance fusing telling him to be serious. Hunk trying that then smiling again before laughing tears in his eyes, _Lance I can’t!_

Blue’s eyes, yellow and glowing. The ocean swaying gentle beneath him, calm and energy balled into one. But the note ended sour.

Red energy like lightening coursing through his veins. Power borrowed and not meant for him shouting in his blood.

Voltron, strength like a mountain, power unimaginable flowing through him. His mind, his very being one with every one of them. Their enemies fell what a terrible and wonderful power.

_God this hurts._

Lance tried to breathe he thought he would be prepared to die. Well he thought he would know what it felt like or something. He had believed that dying was a lot like falling asleep, he didn’t believe in a God or a heaven and he had been content. He wasn’t afraid.

But now he was terrified.

He didn’t want to die.

_He didn’t want to die_.

_HE DIDN’T WANT TO DIE!_

There was a sudden spark as Lance felt his tears roll down his face. A sudden life. What was it? It felt like Blue. But it also didn’t feel like Blue. It was a pulse, a pulling, a calling.

It was so sudden and it filled him with hope. Lance sat up, not carrying at the way it pulled at his wound the blood coming out. He took up the slow process of getting up. There was no way he could stand but he could crawl. He turned and saw a rock formation in the distance. He was sure that was it.

It was calling. Calling him. He had to go.

He crawled and it seemed to take forever. But the rock formation came closer and closer with every shaky shuffle. Blood trickled onto the sand from his wound, from his mouth. He wasn’t sure where all this blood was coming from but it didn’t matter. If he just got there then he could…

Could what? He wasn’t sure what he was expecting but Lance moved on sheer hope and it didn’t matter. Not in the slightest. So he continued his slow shuffle until his hands hit the stone ground, rough with sand of a cave. He looked up with awe as plants glowed from every small hole in the cave walls giving off a green light. It was so serene.

Using the wall to help him stand Lance did his best to make his shaky legs move and it worked for the most part. With and arm around his abdomen, trying to hold himself together, quite literally, he follwed the wall as it entered a dim tunnel. The plants continued down the tunnel. He wasn’t sure how or if he would even make it and as the energy began to escape him quickly he saw what he had come for.

The tunnel opened into a large cave. Moonlight showering in from the top, bathing the bottom of the cave in the soft glow and in that glow was a lion. _A white lion_. When he had felt the presence he had thought briefly that Blue had come for him. But this was something other, something older. Lance crawled again using the last of whatever was keeping him going to reach the feet of the giant lion.

He didn’t know what to expect. But even if this was it, he would rather die here than in the desert. He collapsed in front of the lion, on his stomach. He no longer had the strength to roll over and the blood was still flowing free. How much blood did a person have anyway? He knew the answer but his brain was too fuzzy to remember. So he started talking.

“I’m surprised to find you here… I didn’t think… I don’t know.” Lance said with a sigh.

“I’m not sure why you called me. But I can’t… I just can’t…” Lance said in a whisper, his words swirling. The room was spinning and he shut his eyes against it.

Even if this lion could do nothing for him, even if it just sat and watched it was still alive. This living presence calmed Lance beyond measure and the terror he had felt at his death diminished with each slow breath. He was calm. He accepted…

It was then that Lance heard the movement of metal and felt something over his head and then he felt air, the huff of breath large like a gust of wind against his head. The lion crouched over him and breathed above him and gently, with such consideration touched its nose to the back of Lance’s head as he lay, limp and dying on the cave floor.

Lance had never felt anything like it. His eyes snapped open, electricity flowed through his body. It felt like large waves like the ocean was sweeping him up and he flowed. His breath came out harshly and then he breathed deeply. His wound hurt less with each breath and his energy returned it was like the lion was turning back the clock. As quickly as it had begun, it stopped.

Lance heard the metal again as the lion moved its head away slowly allowing Lance a moment as he began to sit up. He patted at the front of his armor, felt the tenderness of his wound but it no longer bleed, no shrapnel. It looked red and sure it hurt, it was likely to scar but Lance patted his chest in disbelief. He was going to die and yet…

He looked up at the lion again, its nose inches from his face, it backed away slightly, laying down on the ground in front of him as if to see him better. Its eyes were a serene blue unlike the other lions, infinite like the ocean. He stared into them before he spoke.

“I don’t know what to say. You called me here and then you healed me… How… Why?” Lance questioned.

He hesitated and pressed a hand to the lion’s nose. A gust of breath came from its nostrils and it felt truly alive. The nose was warm under his palm.

They sat like that for a time before Lance spoke again.

“I’m Lance, I’m… very happy I found you, white lion.” He said in an awed whisper.

_Ki’la_ a voice whispered.

“What?” Lance asked.

_My name… it is Ki’la._

**_Present_ **

“I went out in the white lion and used her to help defeat the Galra forces.” Lance finished.

His throat felt dry from all the talking. He wasn’t sure what possessed him to leave out the part where Ki’la spoke to him. He also failed to tell his team the rest of what she said. Maybe it was too farfetched or maybe for some reason he felt that information was for him alone, for now. But as he finished he saw that this was already a lot for the other paladins to absorb. But it was likely that when they visited Ki’la she would tell them herself.  

Pidge spoke first she had done a great job was not interrupting Lance’s story.

“But we haven’t heard of any reports of a white lion from Idek.” She said, her eyebrows knit together.

Lance nodded.

“We’ve been careful. The white lion is for emergencies only. We weren’t sure what to make of her at first and as things continued we developed other ways of defending ourselves.” Lance said.

“The weapon.” Allura said seriously.

“Yes.” Lance replied.

“What is the weapon exactly? Destroying Galra cruisers isn’t exactly easy unless you have something like a Voltron lion.” Pidge said rapidly.

Lance paused.

“The cave that we found the white lion in, it contained a piece of the comet. The comet that was used to create the Voltron lions.” Lance said.

Everyone seemed to gasp at that statement.

“But woah, woah, woah. Last time to get a piece of the comet we had to travel through a portal to another universe! Allura’s dad had the same problem! The comet literally ripped open a hole in space and time!” Hunk said, growing anxious as he continued on.

“That’s true. The piece we found was stable. No rips in time or anything. Our only guess is whoever found the comet and created the white lion somehow stabilized the comet too. It’s the best guess.” Lance said with a shrug.

They considered this with silence.

“You said… you said someone else created this lion. How do you know?” Allura asked quietly.

“The white lion showed me… showed me her past. It’s not that crazy right? Space is infinite. The comet that created Voltron can’t be the only one, or it doesn’t have to be the only one. This comet arrived much earlier. I can’t tell you how early but the white lion is very, very old. Created by a single man in a very advanced civilization, but he was only and desperate. The memories are fuzzy.” Lance said with a sigh, “But I don’t know much more than that.” Lance finished.

As Pidge was about to ask another question, a figure appeared at the door throwing back the curtain. A small man with thick arms, covered in gray fur, technicolor eyes sticking to Lance as large ears flicked back in forth. He breathed heavy.

“Lance, ships spotted arriving behind the moon.” The man said, voice low.

Lance stood suddenly, gathering his cloak and strapping his guns. He strapped them to his body, and moving towards the door. The paladins standing.

“Galra?” Lance asked.

“Yes.” The man replied.

“How many?” Lance said leaving though the door.

“A battle cruiser, nothing else.” The man replied, “What do we do?” He asked.

Lance stopped walking briefly and placed a hand on the man’s shoulder.

“Rex, let’s use Nebuless. Ready the camp.” Lance said clapping him on the shoulder.

Rex smiled, “Jela Hal.”

“Jela Hal.” Lance replied.

Rex ran off and everything seemed to be in an organized chaos as every alien in the rebel base was running around.

“What’s Nebuless?!” Pidge shouted over the clamor weaving her way through the people to follow Lance, the others following.

Lance smiled wickedly.

“Nebuless is the name of the weapon,” Lance smirked, “We’re going to light their asses like a Christmas tree.” He finished.

There was a little silence as the paladins considered seeing this weapon up close and a tiny voice broke it.

“Awesome.” Pidge said with a smirk all her own.

Lance laughed.

“Damn straight.”


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the firing of Nebuless, the weapon that Voltron has come for, Lance can still feel the bitter feelings he had towards the team before he left. With the threat of invasion by the Galra around the corner Lance and Keith have a heart-to-heart before rushing off to battle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> God I'm sorry I'm such an ass for not posting sooner, to be honest I had a lot of trouble with this chapter to the point that I couldn't even think about it. But I got my mojo back! I can't promise that I'll regularly update but this story will finish I promise!

When Nebuless fired a stunning silence fell over everyone present, including the paladins. The silence wasn’t awe, although that was mixed in as well, but it was the sheer force of the weapon firing which had pushed all other sound aside with crushing silence. The light burst from the giant canon and the audience watched though holes craved in the stone walls as it made its slow ascent to meet the Galran battle cruiser. The light disappeared and moments later the ship exploded into a ball of fire.

As hearing came back into the room, Lance heard cheering, the people around him clasping hands, slapping each other’s backs and he smiled when he saw the paladins joining the fanfare, mostly by force but still. He felt the captain’s hand gently squeeze his shoulder and without turning he knew she was smiling at him. He felt other hands too, the engineers, the operators, other members, lightly touching him and he felt their support.

Lance watched as Hunk, Pidge and Allura asked a million questions as the captain approached. The captain smiled and with her tall grace guided them to Gras, head engineer on the project, his purple fur giving away his Galran heritage, but it came with technicolor eyes and a long tail. Hunk and Pidge didn’t seem to acknowledge this fact while Allura remained a polite distance away, but she smiled and asked she questions with equal enthusiasm. Keith and Shiro remained, talking with the captain as they watched the interrogation of Gras with some amusement.

And there it was again, that bitter feeling still coming back like bile in his throat. This still hurt. He swallowed and turned, leaving the room. It was fine, the paladins would hardly notice. Lance walked and walked and tried not to focus on the emotions that were rolling through him. Betrayal, of his new family of rebels and of his old family of paladins. Sadness at what he had lost. Anxiety, not only for the conversations that would happen but what if, what if he had to leave the rebels and go back? With time came distance and looking back, he had not been treated well. Not to say that he was abused in anyway but still, when they formed Voltron he felt part and outside of that? He was clearly an outsider. What he hadn’t told the team was that he wasn’t sure he wanted to go back. He wasn’t even sure that was why they were here! Lance reminded himself, _they are here for the weapon_ , discovering him here was just an extra bonus.

Lance shook his head as his feet carried him to top of the base. He exited a door and looked out at the sky, the storm had passed some time ago and the sky was clear of any clouds. Wind played with his hair and Lance took a deep breath, forcing himself to let go of his tension. The entire base had cut outs in the rock some were windows and others were small terraces where the guards would be on lookout. Though the rebels could see the enemy, the enemy couldn’t see them, not only because of the barrier around the underground fortress but the cut outs were cut in a way that there were not clear shots from the ground or the air, it was a near perfect place to snipe.

Lance sat and watched the sun begin to dip behind the layers of sand, the Galran battle cruiser glowing bright with fire as day shifted towards night. And he felt her here, Ki’la. Her breath was on his head, much like when they first met. He couldn’t explain how their connection was different, Blue had a presence in his mind and so had Red in a way, but Ki’la seemed physical even when she was not physically present. It was as if a small version of her sat next to him always, and she manifested when things were quiet like this.

_You worry._ Ki’la said, her voice was soft like calming chimes.

Lance nodded.

_I know this is, difficult for you._ She said, sitting next to him, a white haze in the side of his vision.

He snorted, “It is difficult, but it shouldn’t be. It’s been months, I should be over this! But… I’m not.” He said, defeated.

Ki’la was silent for a moment.

_Wounds of the mind are sometimes like physical wounds. You must get help when it is too much, or else it will never heal._

“So what? Talk with them? I already did.” Lance said, knowing what she was getting at but refusing to voice it.

_You talked about the circumstances but not how you felt. It might be that you must discuss the nature of the wound, not just how it came to be._ Ki’la said, looking at him.

Lance turned slightly, meeting her eyes, strange as it was to talk with a lion in your own mind, her eyes blue and bright and calm. He sighed.

“I know. I…” Lance looked away, brushing his hand through his hand roughly, “It’s difficult to bring these things up. Or what to say. Or even how to say it! How to say it without sounding like I’m blaming them. How to say it without making them hate me…”

There. He said it. The real fear.

_They won’t hate you._

Lance looked at Ki’la again, into her eyes that swirled like a freshwater pool.

_I do not know the nature of the relationship you had with the paladins. I only know how you felt during your time with them and what you experienced. But it does not make it lesser, how you felt. It is how you felt, we can’t always control how things affect us. You should not be worried about how your feelings may hurt others, they may but keeping your feelings in check and never expressing them will not help either. You must speak with them. Soon._

Lance paused.

“I-“ He began but was cut off by footsteps from behind him.

He’d recognize those steps anywhere, funny how somethings stick in your brain. Keith emerged from the door that Lance had entered, Lance turning around to look.

Keith seemed momentarily shocked to see Lance there but stepped inside the small alcove, and coughed.

“Uh, hey.” Keith said.

“Hey.” Lance said, blinking. He honestly hadn’t expected anyone from Voltron to come looking for him.

Keith looked around and the gestured behind him as he spoke.

“Captain Ova suggested we get some sleep, everyone pretty much crashed as soon as they hit that pile of pillows in your house, hut, thing. I couldn’t sleep so I came to uh, talk or whatever.” Keith finished lamely.

Lance blinked, imagining everyone passed out in his house sent warmth through his heart. He smiled.

“Yeah. Come on in, take a seat.” Lance gestured to the space next to him, enough room for two people to sit.

Keith shuffled over and sat and they sat in a slightly uncomfortable silence. Lance wasn’t sure what to say really.

“So what are you doing? You just disappeared after Nebuless fired.” Keith asked.

“Oh, I came up here to think, also I’m on lookout for now.” Lance said.

“You expect another attack?” Keith asked.

Lance nodded and crossed his arms.

“Yeah, a weapon this powerful can’t be left alone. As soon as they hear about their little robot ship being destroyed the Galra Empire will be planning an attack. My guess is they are going to try and smoke us out. Attack every few hours, keep us on edge. But joke is on them, we’ve been preparing for this for weeks.” Lance said with a smile.

Keith smiled too.

“You really _are_ the planner around here huh?” Keith said with a smirk.

Lance raised an eyebrow.

“What is that supposed to mean?” Lance said.

Keith shrugged. “Nothing, I just can’t believe anyone would listen to your wild plans.” Keith said it with a smile.

But it still hurt, a little.

“Just so you know, I come up with _great_ plans. I’m not just the comedy relief around here.” It was supposed to come out with a light, joking tone but sounded more bitter than he meant.

Keith eyes tried to meet his but Lance looked away and he kept his arms crossed tightly.

“Hey, I didn’t-“ Keith began.

“I know.” Lance said quietly with a small sigh.

“I-“ Keith began but cut himself off as Lance felt a gloved hand touch his arm, he flinched and reflex took over as Lance grabbed Keith wrist. Keith gave a small gasp of surprise and also on reflex attempted to remove Lance’s hold on him, but Lance was stronger and kept his wrist. After a moment, Lance blinked and quickly dropped Keith wrist, as if it burned.

Keith rubbed his wrist and said, “All I wanted was to point out the fact that you’re injured.”

Lance looked at Keith a moment longer than necessary and looked down at his arm to find a significant cut across his bicep.

“Oh.” Lance said, sounding surprised.

“Oh? Seriously? Desert life make you super tough or something?” Keith said, looking around, “Where are your first aid kits around here?” He asked quietly, mostly to himself.

“I got it, we carry stuff with us.” Lance said, grabbing at the belt around his waist. He went into the front pouch and took out bandages, what qualified as disinfectant and ointment. He began to do it himself when Keith interrupted him, grabbing the bandages.

“May I?” Keith said

Lance blinked, “Sure.” He lifted his arm as Keith sprayed the disinfectant and cleaning the wound with some rolled up bandages. It wasn’t that this was weird, it had happened before but Lance was used to doing everything himself now.

“Sorry about grabbing you.” Lance said.

Keith shook his head, focused on his work.

“Don’t be. You’ve been living in a place where your life is basically in danger all the time. It’s expected that you would react that way to being grabbed. I should have asked, so… sorry.” Keith paused, “Sorry about before too. You do make good plans. I know that, that’s why you’re my second.” Keith said finally.

Lance was slightly slack jawed as Keith wrapped the bandages over his wound, seemingly entirely focused on the task.

“Thanks.” Lance said, both for the help and for the compliment.

“You’re welcome.” Keith tied the bandages, “You’re good, how did this happen anyway? I don’t remember you being injured.”

“When you guys were captured I had to think fast, I had a plan to infiltrate that base as one of the guards there for a while, but had to do it sooner since you guys were there. The clothes I wore, I stole them off of the guard I killed. I knew enough about him to pretend to be him so I could get you guys away. Of course, Hunk blew my cover. But when I fought the guy he had a knife, I guess I did get nicked. I was more worried about getting to you guys in time, I didn’t even notice.” Lance said.

Keith didn’t comment on the fact that Lance had just admitted to killing another person, or the fact that Lance had shot several person just hours before. Voltron’s hands weren’t exactly clean but those deaths were, distant. But down here death is up close and personal. But Keith knew better then to comment. He simply nodded and the silence lingered for a moment.

“I wanted to talk to you.” Keith said.

Lance swallowed, “Okay. I’m listening.”

“When you left us… I was angry.” Keith said, looking at his hands.

“I can imagine.” Lance said.

“Not at _you_ , Lance. At myself, for not noticing. I noticed something was off, that _you_ were off but I should know you by now. You don’t open up to people. I mean you do but you don’t. You don’t let people worry about you, you don’t let them know what you really think and I… I should have pushed you into talking with me more maybe I could have changed your mind.” Keith said.

“I had already made up my mind by the time you came to talk with me. It wasn’t your fault, Keith. It was no one’s fault. I made a decision.” Lance said.

“But still!” Keith shouted, Lance looked at him, wide eyed.

“But still! I’m angry that you felt like you had to go! I’m mad that you came to this sand-covered shithole because you felt like it was the only way to contribute! I’m mad that while you were here that you nearly died!” Keith shouted.

Keith was breathing hard, and the hairs around his face were short and curly. Lance hadn’t realized how close they were sitting, but he didn’t feel compelled to move. Keith slowly placed his hand over Lance’s heart, where the white scar from his near-death experience peaked out from under his shirt.

“I’m angry that I wasn’t here to help you, that you had to go through this alone. I’m angry at myself for not finding you sooner. I’m angry because like Hunk said, we’re brothers and we did not treat you like one. I’m sorry Lance, I’m so so sorry.” Keith said, his hand tightened on the fabric of Lance’s shirt.

Lance hadn’t noticed the tears from his eyes until they were already streaking down his cheeks. Keith looked shocked to see them and made to let go of his shirt but some power overtook Lance and he grabbed Keith roughly in a crushing hug. Keith hesitated for a moment before wrapping his arms around Lance’s back. God he missed hugs.

“You don’t have to be sorry. I’m happy, so happy that you and everyone are alright. I’m happy that you think of me as a brother and I’m happy that… that you found me. Thank you, Keith.” Lance said, squeezing.

Keith squeezed back. It seemed crazy that this moment was happening and of course it was interrupted. An alarm blared causing the two to jump, letting go rather reluctantly as Keith looked at Lance.

“What is that?!” He yelled.

Lance scrubbed his face of tears.

“An alarm! We’re under attack!” Lance said, turning towards the horizon. Five battle cruisers were specks against the black sky, fighter ships pouring from every hole and the sky was slowly becoming purple.

Lance turned.

“Get everyone up, get to the lions, we’ll open the hatch! You guys have to get out there! If the Galra are here for us you can bet they’re attacking the other planets too! They will try to stop Voltron from leaving the surface!” Lance shouted, standing and Keith followed a second behind.

“What are you going to do?!” Keith shouted.

Lance turned.

“I’ll clear you a path!” Lance shouted, “Be careful! I have your back!” Lance said he held out his hand, and Keith took it.

“You too. Good luck.” Keith said.

They let go and ran in their separate directions and Lance only hoped that it wasn’t the last time they’d see each other.


End file.
